get to her. If I had the chance to do it all over again, I would’ve taken the chance and risked my heart. It might’ve gotten broken, but at least then I could’ve said that I tried instead of letting her drive away like the pussy that I am.
When I look Landon’s way, he gives me a nod, as if to make sure I’m cool. Hell no, I’m not. I’m anything but cool, but I nod back anyway, before grabbing a water bottle from the stool and slamming it back, wishing it was something else. But not only do I want to stay sober for Natalie, I know that drinking will only numb the memories of her. I’d rather feel the excruciating pain I’ve been feeling than block out the way I feel for her. That’ll only hurt more.
“Dude.” Hendrix meets me at the middle of the stage, his face full of frustration. “You’re fucking up the lyrics, Madden. Get it together. Just until the end of the show at least. Can you do that shit?”
“I always do, don’t I?” I toss my empty water bottle at him, my asshole mood kicking in. He looks down and shakes his head as it bounces off his chest. “Worry about yourselves. I can take care of me. Got it?”
“Yeah. Sure, you can.”
I walk away and stand at the end of the stage, my jaw flexing as I run a hand through my wet hair. I’ve never felt so close to walking away before. In fact, I don’t even want to walk at this point, I want to fucking run out of here and go after Natalie. My nerves are completely shot, and Hendrix is right, I’ve messed up the lyrics multiple times hoping nobody caught on. Apparently, I did a shit job hiding it.
“You know what? Stop the fucking music.” I turn around to face my bandmates. “I need a minute.” The crowd goes quiet as I remove my guitar and drop it, walking away, but before I can get too far, I turn back around and grab the mic again. “Fuck it. I’m sorry guys, but I’ve got a girl to go after. I haven’t stopped thinking about her since the moment she drove away and left me standing in the driveway feeling like a dumbass for not fighting for her. I’ve regretted it ever since, and I can’t fucking function without her. It wasn’t supposed to be that way. I wasn’t supposed to fall for her but I did. I’m an asshole for falling for my brother’s girl, but I did, and I don’t regret a second of it.”
There are mixed reactions from the crowd, some booing me for stopping the music and others cheering me on to go after my girl, and some are yelling out that they’ll date me instead.
“Fuck being scared. Fuck my heart. Fuck everything. I’m in love with her and I’m going after her. I need to go after her.” As the words leave my mouth, I realize that I’m about to walk away from a concert for the first time. I’m going to let down hundreds of people—my bandmates and manager included—but for Natalie, I have to be selfish. I can’t wait another fucking second without losing it. “Wish me luck.” I drop the mic and walk off stage, not giving two shits that I just fucked up.
“Where the fuck are you going?” Jason grabs my arm, but one look at my face and he releases it. “You can’t just walk away during a show, Madden. Hundreds of people paid good money to be here tonight.”
“Are you going to stop me?” When he doesn’t say anything, I add, “I didn’t think so. Make sure everyone gets a refund. I’ll pay them back out of my own pocket.”
A shit ton of flashes go off as I hurry through the building and out the back door, finally able to breathe the moment I step outside and head for my truck. I usually don’t drive to concerts, but I knew the moment I got off stage tonight that I’d be going straight to my truck and driving away. I just didn’t know it’d be this early.
With shaky hands, I reach for a cigarette and light it, before closing my eyes and leaning against the side of my truck. I need a moment to calm my nerves before getting behind the wheel.
My jaw tenses when I hear footsteps, but I keep my eyes closed, because I know I’ll