and leans against the Craftsman toolbox I just bought. He crosses his arms and sighs, which tells me he wants to talk about something.
“What? It was an accident. I try not to hit myself in the face.” But, to be honest, I wasn’t focused. I don’t need to be out here with all these tools.
I sit down in a beach chair I plopped out here a few years ago and cross my legs. “Well, I don’t have all day. My shift starts in four hours.”
He doesn’t know sign language, which I’ve told him a hundred times he needs to learn, but that just pisses him off, so I haven’t brought it up again.
Mime points to his eye, then cups his hands at his temples, then points to me.
After so many years trying to figure out what he is trying to say, I’m an expert in Mime language now. “You saw me, huh? Doing what?”
He points to his leg and then mouths the name Ryan.
“Oh.” I look away from him when I realize what he’s saying. “You saw Ryan and me yesterday at his rig?”
Mime nods.
“Did anyone else?”
He shakes his head and reassures me by pointing at his chest.
Just him.
He walks up to me, takes the chair next to me, and scoots it around until he’s facing me. We look fucking ridiculous in these tiny beach chairs, which is another reason I keep them around.
He taps my chest with his finger, flattens his palm over my heart, and mouths a different word.
Men.
Damn, this conversation is happening a lot sooner than I wanted it to. If I even wanted it to. I didn’t know if I was going to bring this up or not. I needed time. I still need time to figure it out.
“What did you see?”
He deadpans me with a bored expression.
“Fair enough.” I open the cooler and grab a bottle of water. “Want one?”
He shakes his head again, telling me no.
As I turn it to break the seal, the plastic cap crunches, then I chug down half the bottle. I wipe my lips and stare outside the barn doors. The scenery is gorgeous. We have a perfect view of the Mississippi River on one side and the beautiful forest on the other.
“Man, what do you want to know? I don’t know anything.” I continue to look out over the water, the sun reflecting off the ripples of the murky water. The river always seems to get muddy when a storm comes. Baton Rouge is beautiful, but the river itself can look downright disgusting sometimes.
He nudges my arm and huffs out a breath. He points to his heart again, then to me, and waves his hands like flames. It’s his way of saying he’ll love me no matter what, even through fire.
He means it too. I can count the number of times he’s told me that on the one hand. But, on the other hand, every time he does that, it hinders my ability to breathe for a second. “I love you, too. No matter what.”
I let out a heavy exhale and play with the corner of the label on the water bottle. “Honestly, brother, I don’t know. This is all new for me. I’ve never felt like this before. I don’t know if I like men, but there’s something about him. I like him.”
Mime smiles and nods for me to continue.
“I’m still trying to figure all this out. The thought of any other guy doesn’t do the same for me. I was immediately attracted to him. And then he opened his mouth, and all that sass came out, and I liked him more. I wanted to get to know him. I swear, the ambulance was an accident. Plus, I chickened out anyway. I don’t know how to go about seducing a man. Is it the same as a woman?” I scrub my hand over my face and groan. “I just… I don’t know yet, okay?”
He taps me on the temple and nods, telling me I do know.
I’m just afraid because I’ve never done it before.
“Yeah, I know you’re right. I guess the question is, do I care that I find myself attracted to a man for the first time in my life? You don’t care?”
He shakes his head and mouths, “Just want you happy.”
“Pretty sure you’re the best brother a guy could ask for, you know.”
He brushes his shoulder off, and I laugh at his confidence.
“Well, I think maybe it should bother me more that I like a guy,