to the far corner of the carriage.
My father entered directly after. Lord Williams stepped to the carriage door once it was secured.
“Mr. Brinton. Miss Brinton.”
He lingered a second, his gaze on me, before stepping back. With a nod from him, the carriage jerked forward.
Resisting the urge to look through the window for one last glimpse of the man I loved, I asked, “What does the letter say, father?”
“It begs us to come home, to say our goodbyes.”
Goodbyes? How did I say goodbye to someone who was such a part of me, such a part of each of us? Considering my experiences, I should have been quite proficient. Yet the hole in my heart that seemed to grow the farther we drove from Lord Williams proved I had not yet mastered the task.
My father cleared his throat. “Margaret, is what Mr. Northam told me last night true?”
The pieces of my heart that were still intact crumbled and disappeared, swept away by unshed tears. “I don’t think it matters anymore.” I closed my eyes to shut out the world, forcing an image of Alice sick in bed to fill my mind, demanding she take her proper place of most import.
My father didn’t speak again, but after we had passed through the gate marking our exit from Lord Williams’s estate, he took my hand and held it for a long time.
My mother rushed out of the house as the carriage stopped at the door, white apron covering her green day dress. When my father stepped down, she fell into his arms. “I am so glad you have come.”
“Are we too late?” His voice was quiet.
She shook her head.
He let out a heavy sigh of relief. “And Parson Andrews?”
“He came this morning. We did not know when you would be home.”
“Will she last the night?” My father’s hushed words sent a chill through me.
“I don’t—I. . . .” My mother buried her head in my father’s chest.
“Come.”
She covered her face with her hands and allowed my father to lead her into the house.
I’d still held out hope that it wasn’t as bad as the letter had said, that things had seemed exaggerated in print. But now, there was no doubt.
Following them inside, head bowed, I shed my bonnet, gloves, and coat, trying not to notice how small our hall felt nor how low the ceiling. Daniel intercepted me as I made my way to the stairs.
“Margaret, how did you find Lord Williams’s estate?”
I frowned. “It was fine.”
“What else?”
I watched my parents walk up the stairs. “What else is there? It is a lovely place. If you ever have the opportunity to visit, I suggest you take it.” My parents disappeared and I finally looked at Daniel. His expression was curious, but it was too earnest for casual conversation. Being home all this time, unable to leave in case he was needed, must have made him feel trapped; would that we had traded places and he had gone instead of me. Although it was quite likely that he was merely upset not to know how his joke had played out. “Or perhaps you were referring to Mr. Lundall’s visit? Even that was not as objectionable as you likely intended, though it was a shock at first. I do not begrudge you your laugh.”
“I was not referring to Mr. Lundall. I am referring to the estate. Did you approve of it?”
“It was fine, Daniel. I don’t know what more you want me to say. I’d like to see Alice.”
“And Lord Williams? Am I soon to welcome him into the family or did you really ruin your chances with him?”
Alice. I needed to focus on Alice. And pretend that none of what had occurred at Lord Williams’s mattered to me. I could do this. I would be strong. “Neither Lord Williams nor Mr. Northam had any true interest in me, so there was nothing to ruin.”
“Northam found you?” Daniel’s tone filled with anger and disgust.
I would explain this once, and then hopefully it would never come up again. “The only interest either of them ever held toward me was the winning of a long-standing wager.” My voice caught and I had to take a breath before I could continue. “That is why Mr. Northam showed interest in me at the Hickmores’. That is why Lord Williams concocted this scheme of an engagement. I turned out to be a way to best his cousin.” As I said the words, my chest felt as though it would cave inward.