return quickly.
The door opened a few minutes later, revealing my mother. “Margaret, there you are. You are to go with your father.”
I frowned. “Go with him?”
“Yes. To Lord Williams’s. He will need someone to look after him.”
She could not send me away. Especially not there. “But I can’t leave. You will need me to help with Alice.”
“Mary and I will manage. You’d best get dressed.”
I couldn’t go. I was just getting rid of him. And Alice—
I wanted to be here for her.
Alice stirred with another cough. I gave her more water, helped her lay down, and tucked the bed cover around her. Then I followed my mother into the hall.
Did she not understand that, aside from the embarrassment of calling off the engagement, I was beginning to have feelings for Lord Williams? Going with him, spending more time with him—these were exactly the things I needed to avoid. “Mother, it is awkward enough for Father to go. But for me to force myself into his home—please do not ask this of me.”
She acted as though I hadn’t spoken. “Mary is packing your trunk. You had best attend to it.”
I studied her. “Are you very angry with me?”
She paused, then sighed. “No. I wish it were different, that you had behaved differently, but I understand. Your father may become ill even with our precautions. You must be there to look after him if such a thing occurs.”
I would not be free from Lord Williams.
I would have to do what I’d promised him I would do in the first place: steel myself against him.
Twenty-Three
I slipped back into Alice’s room half an hour later and laid my traveling cloak on the foot of her bed. My sister’s only movement was the rise and fall of her chest, her only sound the coughs that came too often to allow her rest. She was still hot to the touch. Sitting on the bed next to her, I dipped a towel into the bowl, wrung it out, and draped it across her forehead.
“Alice,” I whispered, not wishing to wake her but hoping she heard. “I am leaving.” I was abandoning her. What would she say when she awoke and found me gone, when only hours ago I had told her I would never leave her? “I will write you.” I took her hand in mine. It was curled in a fist as though clutching something. Moving her fingers to see what it was, I spied the lace handkerchief.
“Oh, Alice.” I allowed her fingers to close around it again. There wasn’t even a flutter of the eyelids.
I settled her hands in a more comfortable position and pulled the blanket tightly around her. “Please get better soon.” I kissed her forehead and left the room before my emotion gave way to tears.
Everyone was assembled in the drawing room. I stood in the hall, smothering my feelings until I could smile. Then I entered and stood near Daniel. “Please tell Louisa I have gone and that I shall write.”
“Of course.”
John entered and announced that the carriage was ready. Outside, the clouds had blown away but the air was colder than ever. I pulled my cloak around me, though it seemed to do little to keep out the penetrating chill, and I hurried across the walk to the carriage.
Lord Williams offered his hand to assist me into his carriage. When I took it, his fingers didn’t curl around mine as they had at the lake. I quickly lifted my hand from his once I was inside. He climbed in, taking a seat across from me, and I scooted into the corner to keep my legs far away from his. An accidental touch would only be awkward for us both.
My father said something to Daniel I didn’t catch. Then he stood before my mother. “You must write me if there is a turn for the worse.”
“She is going to be fine. And your own health—”
“Means nothing in the face of such an event. Eloise, I will not leave unless you promise.”
She huffed. “It is only a little fever.”
“In which case such a promise should be easy to make.”
My mother hesitated. “I promise. Now go, Colin. I should return to Alice.”
He embraced her, saying a few words into her ear before giving her a quick kiss. Such tenderness was what every girl dreamed of. I focused on the shadows out my window.
The carriage dipped under my father’s weight and he settled on the seat next to me. It was too early to