and the rounding of his shoulders.
“Margaret.” Gregory was beside me, an arm around me.
This was what I’d wanted. I’d wanted him.
But Alice was dying because of this wager. And I—
I had been duped again.
“Let me go,” I whispered.
“The wager may have played a part in the beginning, but I promise, all I’ve said is true.”
I shoved out of his arms. “My sister is dying because of you.”
Even now, though, I wanted to be enfolded in his arms.
Naive, fickle heart.
My father stepped forward and put a hand on my shoulder, turning his back to Gregory. “I am sorry for all that has happened. But we must be strong.” His eyes glistened with threatening tears. His hand, instead of comforting, felt cold and heavy and final.
Was there ever a time when I did not have to be strong? A lake of exhaustion settled on me. I lifted my chin and forced a smile, but I had to swallow before I could say, “Of course, Father.”
He offered me his arm. I slid under it, settling it on my shoulder and wrapping my arm around his middle. He squeezed me to him. “Let’s go home.”
Thirty-Five
My father stood in the door to my room while I collected my traveling cloak and ensured my trunk was packed. As we descended the stairs, thoughts of Mr. Northam and Gregory threatened at the back of my mind like hounds ready to tear me apart.
Struggling to focus entirely on Alice, I allowed my anxiety for her to fill my mind, my ache for her to flood my chest and bury the confusion and pain hovering there.
Gregory and Lady Williams awaited us as we exited the house. Lady Williams stepped forward first. “I am so sorry you have to go. You do not know how much I have enjoyed your visit.”
I studied her, wondering if she had been in on the charade. But her eyes held real disappointment. “You have been so kind. Thank you.”
She took my hand and gave it a squeeze. “I do hope you find the situation at home better than the express has led us to believe.”
I bit my trembling lip. “Thank you, your ladyship.”
Gregory stepped forward.
I curtsied before he could say anything. “My lord.” Then I turned and walked a few steps toward the river. Its constant movement eased a bit of the disquiet within me, its gentle shushing prodding me to be at peace.
“Please don’t leave like this,” Gregory whispered behind me.
“How am I supposed to leave?”
He hesitated, then laid a gentle hand on my back. “I don’t know. I just know it shouldn’t be like this.”
Even now I craved his touch, his presence.
“My lord,” my father said. Gregory’s hand fell away as he turned to address my father.
Something fluttered in the water. I walked a few steps toward it before realizing what it was: one of the boats had gotten stuck on the branch of the tree. It would never go anywhere, never be free. It would struggle until the river rose or the branch broke. Then it would sink.
I turned and made my way to the carriage, where a footman waited to assist me. When I held out my hand, though, Gregory clasped it.
Caught off guard, I looked up.
His face had become so familiar it was a wonder we had ever been strangers. That we would return to being strangers.
“Margaret. I’m sorry.”
I forced a smile. “At least our time together has been diverting.” My voice broke and I turned away. I couldn’t bear to look into his eyes, not when they were filled with the warmth and desire I had grown to love.
I moved to step into the carriage, but had only placed my foot on the step when he raised my hand and brought it to his lips.
I loved the feel of my hand in his, loved the way he looked at me still. And I couldn’t help it—I longed to be with him. Longed to find a way to make everything that had happened matter, for it not to have been only for a wager.
But I knew the truth. I had been duped again.
I had known from the first that he wasn’t for me. I should never have allowed myself to think of him as Gregory. He should have been, and now forever would be, Lord Williams.
I just had to convince my heart of it.
“Goodbye, Lord Williams,” I said softly, tugging my gloved hand out of his. Before evidence of my despair made me look more the fool, I scooted