squeezed of all emotion and energy. She wondered if she turned sideways and looked into the mirror, there’d be nothing left of her but a thin little line.
What did one wear to have the most difficult conversation of one's life? Did she pull on something comfortable, to remind herself that no matter what happened, she'd still be all right? Did she wear something stunning, to make up for the shake in her voice? Or something familiar, to remind the other person that, really, she was the same person as yesterday?
She sighed and reached for her favorite blue tank top, the one with the silver stripe across the front that made her feel a little like a retro Wonder Woman whenever she pulled it on. Not that it mattered. Eddie didn’t care what she wore. He never had. It was one of the many reasons she liked him so much.
For the last two hours, his stereo downstairs had blasted raucous, heavy metal music. Some she recognized. Most she didn’t. All sounded angry, frenzied, turned up to full volume, as if to block out sound and thought. She pictured him down there, cursing at her and wondering why he’d ever gotten involved in the first place. Ash brushed her hair and pinned some of it back from her face. Much as she wanted to hide behind it, today she needed to look Eddie straight in the eye when she apologized to him. He deserved that much.
The music shut off. Ash stopped in her bedroom doorway, feet searching for her flip-flops. His door opened. Her heart turned over. Is he coming up here? Maybe he would save her the shameful walk downstairs, the difficult knock on his door.
But then the front door to the house opened and thudded shut. No, Eddie wasn’t coming up here to see her. Eddie was leaving.
Ash hurried through the living room. She pulled back the blinds of the front window and peered into the street in time to see his truck spin in a tight circle and head downtown. Without even stopping at the intersection, he made a hard left, cutting off a mini-van. The van honked. Eddie stuck a hand out the window and flipped it off so fast, Ash imagined he meant the middle finger for her as well. Maybe for the whole town of Paradise.
He’s going to Frank’s. Somehow, she knew that’s where he was headed. To work on cars. To forget his frustration. To put in a couple of hours away from the house and away from her.
Something inside Ash squeezed tight, and her chest began to ache. She'd give him his space. “I’m not going to chase him,” she whispered. If he left the house, then he didn’t want to see her. Not now. Maybe not even today. Jen was right. She would wait.
Even if it just about killed her.
* * *
Three hours passed. Ash did two loads of laundry, cleaned out her refrigerator, and e-mailed both her sisters. Finally, around four-thirty, she fell into a restless sleep on the loveseat.
A dream. Red and blue balloons. Ash on a Ferris wheel, all alone. She looked around, startled, and grabbed at the safety bar. As she spun around and around, the ground grew farther away each time she passed. Someone below her laughed, but when she glanced down, all she could see were faceless people. Flashes of light. Cracks of thunder. She spun in a slow circle, until the next time she looked, the ground had disappeared altogether, and all she could see was the sky falling beneath her.
In a cold sweat, Ash sat straight up and looked around her darkened living room. Rain sliced against her windows; the sky had turned stone gray. The clock read nearly six. Her legs, crunched underneath her, tingled when she tried to move them. She rubbed her eyes and made her way to the front window. Please let him be home. Please let his truck be there.
It wasn’t.
She straightened her clothes and walked downstairs barefoot. Biting her bottom lip, she knocked on Eddie’s door.
Once. No answer.
Twice. Tiny mewed on the other side of the door.
Three times, though she knew by now he wasn’t home yet.
I’m going to Frank’s. If Eddie’s mad at me, fine. But she needed to tell her side of the story. And she needed to do that today, tonight, before they woke up tomorrow with another twelve hours of anger between them.
The drive to the shop took less than five minutes, but still her