after that, he was changed. Not a negative change, but certainly a different, more thoughtful, more present man.
“And I realized,” Priest said, “that if I admitted to myself that I loved you, and if we were together—really together—that came with the risk of losing you. And that scared me so badly I just ran in the other direction.”
“You had already been thinking about it, before I got shot?” I asked. “I thought—I thought you weren’t interested in a relationship.”
“I thought I wasn’t either,” Priest said. “At the beginning. But as soon as we got together, my feelings started to change.” He laughed a little, shaking his head. “I’ve always been a romantic.”
“You didn’t say anything,” I said.
“I felt guilty,” Priest said. “Like I shouldn’t have feelings for anyone else, not after losing my husband.”
“I didn’t want to pressure you,” I said. “I wanted you to feel safe with me—didn’t want you think I was trying to take Ankh’s place. I’m still not. I know our relationship is different.”
“It is different,” Priest agreed with a nod. “But that doesn’t make it any less real. Or any less meaningful. And I want… I want us to be together. I want you to be mine. And I want to be yours.”
I exhaled hard. “I gotta admit, this wasn’t what I was expecting from this conversation.”
“I know I’ve been a jackass,” Priest said.
“Yeah. I get it, though,” I said.
And I did, honestly—I’d never considered what witnessing my near-death might have done to Priest. I was focused on my own recovery, but now that Priest had told me, I understood that he’d been traumatized by the shooting, as well. It’d made the pain of losing Ankh resurface in a very tangible way. No wonder he’d hidden himself away.
“You didn’t want to feel that pain again,” I said.
“I still don’t,” Priest said. “Losing Ankh was so painful, I didn’t think I’d ever be able to love someone again. But… life is funny that way.” He met my gaze, serious and soft. “I’ve been blessed twice. And I’m not going to throw that way just because I’m afraid of losing you. Ankh would be so embarrassed of me if I did that.”
“You think so?” I asked. Did he really think Ankh would approve? Did he really want to pursue a relationship with me? I was reeling. I scooted a little closer and pressed our thighs together, hungry for Priest’s touch.
“I know so,” Priest said. “And I’m so fucking sorry I abandoned you these past few weeks.”
“You should be,” I teased. “I’ve been lonely.”
Priest looked briefly devastated. “I’ve really had my head up my ass. Blade talked some sense into me.”
“That sounds about right,” I said.
Priest still looked unsure, so I leaned forward and kissed him gently.
“I love you, too,” I murmured against his lips. “I already told you that.”
“I know,” Priest said. “But I wouldn’t be surprised if the last few weeks made you change your mind.”
“Gonna take more than that to drive me away,” I said.
The tight line of Priest’s shoulders eased a little as he kissed me again. He pulled his hand from mine, but only to set both at my waist instead, rubbing gentle circles there as he kissed me slowly and tenderly.
He pulled away and touched my cheek softly, and I turned my head into his touch gently. “So I didn’t turn you off of the commitment thing entirely?” he asked.
I remembered what I’d said in the hospital and winced. It’d been an emotional reaction, but I didn’t have any desire to take it back. I still meant what I’d said.
“It reminded me of Melanie,” I said. “She’s the only person I’ve really loved—other than you. And when she left me, she didn’t just break my heart. She broke my ability to trust. I’d been so busy raising Dante that I didn’t bother to let my heart heal. I just let it callus over. It was easier to give up on relationships than to risk getting abandoned again.” I sighed. “But…a near-death experience can act as a wake-up call. Thirty years is a long time to waste licking that old wound.”
“I don’t think you wasted it at all,” Priest said, brow furrowed. “You built a club. You raised your son into a good man. You’ve got a whole community of people who love you.”
I paused. Maybe Priest was right. Maybe I’d needed those years to focus on myself, and my son, before I was ready to open my heart to someone else again.