were a handful of guys who had already started. I walked to the air bike to get warmed up, trying to avoid any conversations. Only Derek and Olli were talking to each other, so it was easy enough to be left alone.
When Brandon arrived, I waited for any indication that he told the guys what he’d learned, but he just nodded in my direction before getting on a treadmill. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust him—if there was anyone on the team that I wanted knowing my secrets, it was him. He was Dad, he was older and wiser and didn’t generally get involved with the team drama if he could help it, but there was still that risk now. He wouldn’t intentionally hurt me, and especially not Taylor, but it could happen by accident.
It had been a long time since I had to trust someone like this. It was wholly out of my control, but a part of me relished knowing there was someone that had my back. Someone else knew about my past as a father. He could understand in ways most of the guys couldn’t.
And now Taylor had someone else to talk to. Maybe it wasn’t the worst thing in the world for other people to know. It was completely up to Taylor, I wouldn’t take this decision from her, but maybe this could be the start of letting other people know. Talking about Alexander, outwardly acknowledging his existence, was so incredibly freeing. What if we could get to a point where it wasn’t a secret that pained us? What if it was simply a part of our story? Something we were open with and owned. Maybe it could be something that made us stronger, individually and together.
21
Taylor
It took a few days for all the furniture to get delivered, plus I had to buy bedding, towels, and everything else needed to make a house livable. I didn’t realize how quickly cups, plates, bowls, utensils, and cookware would add up. I’d have to wait until my next paycheck to get the most nonessential essentials.
At least work was going well. The concept for the mural I was working on was coming to life and even though I was nervous to present it to Chloe and the rest of the key decision-makers, I was excited to be back in my element.
When I got home from work for the very first time, I set my purse down on the kitchen counter and looked around.
This was it. My home. My very own space. The first time I was living alone.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and called Carrie.
“Hey Tay.” Her voice immediately calmed me down.
“I’m home.”
“Oh, your first night in your new place? How does it feel?”
“It’s quiet.” That was the first thing that hit me. No roommates, no twins running around, Sydney wouldn’t walk in to ask me how my day went.
“You’ll get used to that soon. Trust me, you’ll appreciate it.”
I laughed with her, but it was fake.
“Make yourself some dinner, or order in and relax. Enjoy your space.”
I’d probably agree with her if I had two kids and a husband taking up all my time and energy. This probably sounded like heaven to her, but I’d trade her in a second.
It wasn’t that I was scared. I felt safe in this building. I just … I was lonely. Like I’d been when I was staying in the hotel in Raleigh. The days the girls were gone were long and boring. I was used to being around people. I liked that.
Now I was alone.
“You’re right. Tell everyone hi for me.”
We hung up and I went to my couch and sat, looking out the window. I had a great view of the city from my spot, perfect for unwinding after a long day.
It would get easier. It had to. I’d adjust to this as I had everything else. I hated sharing a dorm my freshman year after never sharing a bedroom growing up, but after a few weeks it wasn’t so bad, and I ended up missing my roommate the next year.
I could host a dinner party or something as soon as I got more settled. Maybe the Pride would come, although I wasn’t technically a qualifying member of their group. I could invite people from the office. Coworkers made great friends since you already spent so much time together. It was better to like them than treat them like people you were forced to see.
Yeah, once my place