I’ll come and visit you, and you guys can come here too.”
Milo peered up at me. “Promise?”
“Of course.” I was touched they cared at all. “I’ll miss you guys too much not to see you all the time.”
“And you’ll come swim?” Finn asked.
“I won’t be able to as much since I got a new job, but maybe on the weekends I can.”
They seemed to accept that and moved on to explore the empty rooms.
“So where should we get started?” Brandon eyed the stacks of boxes with a frown.
“You really don’t have to …” I started, but he waved me off.
“It is a bit cruel to fill an entire apartment with Swedish furniture that takes an engineering degree to assemble.”
Sydney swatted at him. “There’s more help coming.”
“And not everything is from there. I got my bedroom furniture and mattress from the place next door.” And that would all come assembled, thankfully.
We’d just opened the first box for the dining room table when there was a knock at the door. Jason had texted, asking what number my unit was, and I was a bit disappointed I wasn’t there to see his reaction when he realized we were across the hall.
I opened the door, and the entire Dumoulin family walked in. Dan set the stack of pizza boxes on the kitchen counter before slowly taking in the rooms. “This is nice. It’s almost the exact same as Jason’s.”
“It’s lovely, sweetie.” Janet gave me a brief hug before moving into the living area. “Brandon! It’s so good to see you!”
The twins appeared and she went into full-blown grandma mode, fussing over them, and they soaked in every second.
“She needs grandkids, asap.” Joey smirked and nudged Jason. “You should get on that.”
It was like all the oxygen was sucked out of the room. I leaned against the wall as Jason punched Joey in the arm, and Dan looked up at his sons.
Joey’s face paled and his eyes met mine. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean …” His voice trailed off, and I swallowed before turning and walking down the hall while trying to hold myself together.
I went into the bathroom and shut the door. I slid down the shower door, crumbling on the ground.
He didn’t mean to hurt me. I knew that, but the casual reference to Jason having a baby—acting as if Janet wasn’t already a grandma. At least, she had been. For a brief moment in time.
The door opened and Jason stepped in, closing it quietly behind him. “Taylor?”
He studied me before taking a step forward and sitting in front of me. He took both of my hands in his. “I’m so sorry. Joey wasn’t thinking.”
I nodded. Numb. I should be feeling more but my insides were too numb.
“He was fourteen, and I don’t think he fully comprehended what happened. He doesn’t get how painful it was.”
I knew that too. Joey wasn’t being malicious, but it didn’t change the fact that he was right. Alexander wasn’t here. He wasn’t getting spoiled and loved on by his grandparents. He never got the chance.
I squeezed his hands and closed my eyes. “They said the pain would fade, and I guess it did. I can get through a day without crying, but the second I think about him, it feels like I’m living it all over again.”
I felt him move around me until his body was pressed against my side and his arms cradled me against him. “It still rips me apart too, Tay. I’ll think about him. What he would be doing now. What he would look like. If he would take more after you or me.”
I sucked in a breath. “He would be the same age as the twins.”
That thought broke the dam. Tears poured down my cheeks. He would have been friends with Milo and Finn. All the summer days by the pool, he could have been a part of that. He could watch his dad play, wearing his jersey.
Jason pulled me closer until my head was resting against his chest. “I’m so sorry, Taylor. I’m so, so sorry.”
I took a gasping breath as my entire body shuddered. I clung to his arms, needing to feel grounded. To know that I wasn’t the only one that remembered our baby boy.
Our sweet, perfect baby that wasn’t ready for this world. He made it to twenty-five weeks before his heart stopped. I had to deliver him knowing I’d never hear him cry or see his smile. Never see him staring back at me.
A part of