now, then,” he scoffed. “We’ll talk about it in the morning. Hopefully you won’t need another prosecco over breakfast. I’ll make you some eggs, just how you like them.”
He laughed. He shook his head and laughed, and stared over like I was me and he was him, and we were us all over again.
And sure he was. He was Sebastian again, cool and calm as he finished his own undressing and got himself ready for under the covers, but I was anything but me.
I could never be cool and calm again. Not in the same room as the man I’d believed would take care of me when I couldn’t take care of myself. Because he’d… he’d…
He scoffed again as he gestured me off the bed. “Oh come on, Anna. Calm yourself down now or you’ll be having another seizure. You know how upset you get when you wake up soaking in the morning.”
My head was spinning, and my nerves were jangling, and my heart was racing, and everything was confused and wrong and broken.
“Come on,” he said, and held out a hand to help me up, but I shied away, scared, and so shocked that I didn’t know what the hell I should be doing.
Except I did know what the hell I should be doing.
I should be getting the hell out of there. I should be anywhere but in the same room as the man who’d just…
Who’d just…
Who’d just…
“Don’t be shy,” he said, and there was that scoff in his voice again. “We both know you liked that. I should have made a dirty little slut out of you years ago, then you wouldn’t have needed to run back to that filthy prick in the first place.”
I was shaking my head, even though I couldn’t find my voice, and my arms finally came to life, pushing me up and away from that bed, where my feet took up the mission and backed me to the door.
“Come to bed,” he said, and he had that stare in his eyes that I’d seen a million times before. The stare that told me I was ill, and unwell, and needed him to make my decisions and take care of me.
The stare that told me I should stop thinking, and stop questioning, and get in bed under the covers, just where he told me I should be.
But not anymore.
Not now he’d…
Because how could he…
How could that ever be ok…
He saw it in my eyes. My pain and my hurt and my disbelief. He saw my clarity striking and my heartrate picking up even further in fight or flight, and my face take on enough disgust to send me backing out onto the landing.
“Fucking hell, Anna!” he snapped. “Going bailing on me again now, are you? You barely lasted another fucking week of the new life you wanted to invest in so fucking badly!”
Yes, I was bailing on him again.
I was stumbling backwards towards the staircase, wanting anywhere but there. Wanting anything but him.
I backed away faster as he appeared in the bedroom doorway, panic rising.
“You think anyone is going to listen to any more of your whining, pathetic bullshit? Everyone’s already spent months of their lives trying to reason with your useless fucking brain. Do you really think they’re going to pat you on the back when you tell them you’ve fucked up your sweet little fucking life another fucking time already?”
I didn’t think that.
I didn’t think anyone would pat me on the back for anything.
Let alone myself.
I’d never pat myself on the back for ever considering I could ever make this right again.
I was just scared.
Lonely.
Destroyed by the man I’d prayed would help me heal.
I backed my way down the stairs and raced to the kitchen.
I grabbed my handbag from the counter, and managed to pull my shoes on and rush towards the front door, and I didn’t even grab my coat on the way back through, my heart was racing too fast to care.
I heard him before the door shut behind me, shouting down the stairs at me like I was the same sad little invalid he’d been babysitting for years.
“Fuck you then, Anna!” he called after me. “See who else puts up with your disgusting little ways, and your disgusting little bodily functions to go along with them. We’re fucking done!”
Yes, we were.
Yes, we were fucking done.
And so was I.
Only this time I had nobody I could run to.
This time I was well and truly alone with nowhere to go.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Lucas
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