I let out a sigh and threw myself into our communal hallway, dashing upstairs like the place was some kind of safe haven from Lucas Pierce cravings.
It wasn’t. I still felt them every bit as strongly as I ditched my bag onto the coffee table and opted to head straight through to the shower. If only I could scrub my brain down in the same foamy wash as the rest of me and get him away from my thoughts as well as my skin.
As it turns out, I didn’t make it that far.
Vicky was already up and in the kitchen, dressed in her work uniform with her blonde curly hair swept up in a bun for her checkout duties. She was chomping down on a piece of toast with her phone in her hand as I walked on through.
Until she saw me.
Her eyes widened as she clocked my appearance, mouth dropping. Mine widened right back, a shitty pulse of guilt no doubt blooming on my cheeks.
Horror. All I felt was horror.
And so did she. I could read it all over her face – she was both mortified and relieved at once, gulping in a breath before shaking her head at me.
I’d been caught in the act. There was no way this wasn’t caught in the I’ve been fucking Lucas Pierce act.
“I’ve been worried sick!” she screeched. “Your phone went to voicemail every time I tried to get hold of you last night. I wondered what the hell was happening to you! You could’ve been a total mess, convulsing in a ditch somewhere!” Her eyes searched mine. “Please don’t you dare tell me you’ve been with that asshole all weekend, Anna. Please, don’t.”
Oh shit. I’d fucked up with the phone thing.
There was no getting out of it, so I tried to play it down.
“It was a game of tennis,” I told her. “Just a stupid game that made the one off a bit longer. It was still a one off. It still is a one off.”
“Fucking hell,” she hissed, and her voice was genuinely strained. “You’ve actually been fucking that prick for two days straight?!”
I didn’t bother confirming with an answer, and she paced the kitchen as she carried on.
“What the hell is it about that jerk that has you out of your mind enough to hole up for a whole weekend with him?! Are you still losing your mind over that piece of shit?”
“No,” I said. “I’m not losing my mind over him.”
“Why, then?” she pushed. “Why the fuck did you spend another night with him? Tell me!”
I blustered through my reasoning, but couldn’t find any answer other than the truth of it.
“Incredible sex.”
She shook her head in disbelief. “Incredible sex from an incredible piece of shit.”
I shrugged. “An incredible piece of shit I won’t be seeing again.”
She didn’t look convinced, just kept on pacing and shaking her head at my stupidity.
“Honestly, Anna, you can’t do that again. He’s no good for you. Being anywhere near him is no good for you. He’ll fuck you up again.”
I nodded along with her wise words. “I’m not planning on being anywhere near him again, don’t worry.”
“I mean it,” she said. “He’ll leave you an even bigger state than he did last time, and this time he’ll cost you a whole load more. People will never live with you doing that to yourself. We couldn’t.”
“It’s nobody else’s business who I fuck on a weekend,” I snapped, but she glared right back.
“It’s everybody else’s business when you cast off Sebastian to chase after the absolute loser who fucked you over. That’s friendship, Anna.”
She had a point.
“You’re not bullshitting me, are you?” she asked. “That really was a one off? You’re not seeing him again?”
I swallowed down everything but my resolve.
I dug into my pain, and humiliation, and the burning bloom of shame.
I dug into the disrespect I’d shown myself for firing off that message to him in the first place.
I dug into the hurt, and those scrawled drawings lining his landing. I dug into the way I’d spent too many nights pining his loss.
And then I believed it.
I believed it when I said it, eyes burning hard with the honesty.
“I’m not seeing him again,” I told her. “It was a one off. Just please don’t tell anyone I was with him.”
She squeezed my arm as she passed me, and this time her expression had a whole other flavour to it. “It’s a bit late for that,” she said.
Chapter Twelve
Lucas
There was a strange thrill to