window, I forced a smile at his hospitality. Manners cost nothing, after all.
He flashed me a smile right back, both of us hovering there with this awkward hint of a grin on our faces. Paper thin on both sides. A pathetic little veneer hiding a whole churn of bullshit highs and lows.
So much unspoken.
So much that would never be spoken in this lifetime.
It was time to end this shitstorm for good.
I told him I’d get my things together and bolted away upstairs. Collecting my crap was an easy mission. There was only a stupid scrappy tennis outfit minus the lace thong to dress myself in, and a bag crammed with makeup, and my meds, and a sports bottle I filled back up with water in the bathroom. I popped my lamotrigine pills from the packet and washed them down, then cursed myself as I realised my phone was dead to the world. Flat out of battery.
Clearly, I hadn’t entirely planned on being here overnight again. If I had, I would have packed my damn charger. And my toothbrush.
I didn’t bother with makeup, but I did smooth my hair down as well as I could before getting set to step back into my regular life. I cast myself one final sigh in the mirror, then trekked back down to my nemesis with a newfound determination that this was really it. Party over.
He’d finished up his coffee and dumped the mug into the dishwasher by the time he noticed me in the kitchen doorway wearing the same skimpy shorts as the day before.
“Nice,” he said, and gave me a smirk. “Fancy a rematch?”
“Don’t even go there,” I replied, and he shrugged.
He sorted the dogs and grabbed his coat, just a regular morning for a regular guy heading into the office. But it was anything but a regular morning for me.
My heart was aching fresh for the life I’d been devastated to lose, but was now crying out to a whole new tune along with it.
The scribbled daddy pictures taped to the wall upstairs had slammed me deep and hard.
Knowing he’d put a ring on someone else’s finger was still enough to make me feel queasy now that he was right beside me in person.
I hated it. I hated that I gave even the slightest shit about any of it.
“Ready to go, then?” he asked, and I nodded.
I didn’t say anything as he said goodbye to his dogs and headed on out to the truck, just followed him and clipped myself in. I stared out of the window when he put the radio on, assuring myself that this was really still a nothing whatsoever. Just a stupid sex splurge. Just me seeking out a decent orgasm and not a scrap more. My mind was firmly churning on that when his voice cut over the radio.
“You do know I jerked one off in those dirty white panties this morning, I hope. Very nice.”
I shot him a glance to find him smirking, That usual filthy stare of his eating me up like a whore.
“You’re welcome to them,” I said, and forced myself to look back out of the window.
“I’d prefer them considerably more if you were wearing them,” he told me, but I didn’t respond, just gave him a turn left here and pointed him towards the city centre.
I directed him to my street, gesturing he should park up far enough along from my apartment entrance that nobody would stand a chance of seeing us. He pulled up, then turned in his seat to face me, eyes burning hard with that same filthy stare.
All he found waiting was another fake smile on my face.
“Thanks for a great one off,” I told him.
He tipped his head. “This is really a one off?”
I dropped down from the truck before I answered.
“Yes, Lucas. This is really a one off. Enjoy your next decade.”
I daren’t risk looking at him, just slammed that passenger door shut behind me and started walking. My heart was thumping, belly twisting, but I kept on moving, step by step, determined to get my head straight and leave that asshole behind where he belonged.
I thought I’d almost made it. I could see my apartment entrance when his voice called out across the street.
“Anna, just stop and bloody wait a minute, will you? At least let’s fucking talk about it.”
But I couldn’t.
I daren’t.
I wasn’t sure where that minute would ever stop for me if it started.
It was a huge relief when I reached my apartment doorway.