yesterday. Plus my overactive hormones are only getting more overactive the more time I spend with him. Seriously, this has got to be the most fucked-up side effect of pregnancy, ever.
"It hardly seems fair that all I contributed to this pregnancy was an orgasm while you're giving up coffee and vomiting and getting covered in goo and gaining fifty pounds."
"Fifty! I've gained like two pounds since you saw me last!"
"I meant total." He shrugs his hands on the steering wheel like that is any better.
"I'm not gaining fifty pounds." I cross my arms across my chest and glare out the passenger window. At least I don't think I am. Right? Fifty sounds like a lot. What if it's more? I really need to start reading ahead in that damn book. I've been so sidetracked from the random bouts of nausea, hiding it from my sister while also convincing her to do the tour in my place while I also brainstormed ideas for getting hold of Kyle, that time has really gotten away from me.
"I misspoke. I'm sure it's not fifty." Kyle's dropped his tone to a very soothing level, as if I'm a feral cat that needs calming. He's so annoying.
"You've seen the size of Tubbs," I point out. "He's ginormous and he weighs seventeen pounds so I'll probably gain less than that. Seventeen must be the maximum possible."
"Okay." He glances at me sideways. "Sure."
"Or maybe less. Tubbs is the size of two normal-sized cats and I'm only having the one baby."
"Okay, relax. I'm not trying to stress you out. I was merely apologizing for biology."
"Hmm," I hum noncommittally. Apparently being vague and moody is who I am now, which is annoying because I used to be even-keeled. Really. Ask anyone. It's why I had to go on the dick diet in the first place. My easy-going nature and have-fun attitude got me into all sorts of fun jams because easy-going people are fun. And low-maintenance.
Now I'm moody and I grunt answers. It wasn't exactly what I was going for when I decided to level up in adulting.
"I'll gain fifty pounds with you, if you want," Kyle offers, bringing my attention back to him.
"Okay, let's not do anything hasty," I say quickly while looking him over. Have I mentioned that he's wearing the hell out of that suit? Objectifying him throughout my pregnancy is kinda like a door prize, right? Staying pretty is the least he can do for me.
Assuming I'm going to be seeing him throughout my pregnancy, that is.
But you know, I bet I could be the responsible twin if I really set my mind to it. And what's more responsible than marrying your baby daddy? I mean, other than not having a baby daddy in the first place, but that ship has sailed.
"Just tell me one thing, Kyle."
"Sure."
"You didn't do this on purpose, right? Knock me up?"
"What?" He glances at me quickly then gets his eyes back to the road. "God, no. Daisy, no. Of course not. Trust me, I had a plan for the next five years of my life and this wasn't it."
"So it was an accident, right? All of it? I was just a fling you were never supposed to see again?"
He pauses for a moment before asking, "What are you getting at, exactly?"
"I don't know," I admit. "I guess I just wanted to hear you say you're not a crazy person who tracked me down to impregnate me, but it was a stupid question. Why on earth would you impregnate some random girl on purpose? Never mind."
He pauses for a long second. "I don't like the word ‘accident,’ but no, it wasn't intentional."
"Okay. So knocking me up was an accident. Did you steal my camera by accident too?"
"Do we really need to talk about this? I gave it back. And stop saying ‘knocked up.’ It's disrespectful."
"Disrespectful to who? You did knock me up. Would you prefer I spend the remainder of this pregnancy referring to the incident as the time you inseminated me?"
"It's disrespectful to you, and no, I don't prefer that description. I'm sure you can think of something more appropriate. You're quite wordy."
"Wow. Way to lay on the charm, Kyle."
"Christ." He takes a hand off the wheel to rub at the back of his neck. "I meant you're good with words. You blog. You enjoy writing. You're creative and intelligent and funny. You can do better than referring to yourself like you were my accidental sidepiece."
Huh.
"Besides," he adds, "you're the one