I'm positive my eyes must be cartoon wide right now. "What did you just say?" My heart has started to race and for once it's not because I'm having dirty thoughts about him or because I feel queasy or because I'm pissed off. He cannot be serious.
"Let's get married."
"Oh, no. No, no, no." I'm shaking my head as I speak. "Nope. Not happening."
"Do you have a better plan?"
"A better plan than pretending to be your wife? Are you insane? As in, legally mentally deranged?"
"Do I need to remind you that you started this?"
"Do I need to remind you that you're impossible to get hold of? And that you knocked me up?"
"Okay." He leans back in his chair, arms crossed, his face hard to read. "What's your plan? Let's hear it. How are you going to do this all by yourself? Your job isn't conducive to taking care of an infant."
I'm momentarily surprised that he remembers what I do for a living. And that he's given this so much thought in the sixteen or so hours he's had to adjust to the idea.
"My plan," I reply as I cross my arms across my chest, mimicking his stance while sitting up straighter in my seat, "is to resign from that job at the end of this week. As soon as the current tour is over."
"You're scheduled on a tour this week?" He looks confused, rightly so.
"Um, well, yeah." I shrug it off and slide down in the chair a little. "But I sent my sister in my place. We're twins. Identical."
He uncrosses his arms to bring a hand up to his face with a long-suffering sigh over my idiocy. I assume that's what he's sighing about anyway. Admittedly this part of my plan doesn't sound real solid.
"Oh, relax. We don't normally do this, she's too much of a goody two-shoes. This was a one-time thing. I caught her in a moment of weakness and I had a scheduling conflict so I sent her in my place. It was a good plan."
"The scheduling conflict being me?" He raises his brows in question.
Err. Okay, so from his point of view this probably doesn't sound great, but honestly I didn't think he was going to be so interested in what my plans were so I wasn't really prepared to sell it.
"Also, I've got a conference to go to this week."
"Your planning skills sound amazing so far. Sounds like my baby is in good hands."
I shoot him a dirty look because fuck him. I've managed to take care of this baby for ten weeks all by myself. Granted, it's the size of a raspberry and I didn't even know it was there for the first few weeks, but still. I'm more capable than I'm given credit for.
"So your plan is quitting your job," he prods, waving his hand for me to continue.
"I don't need anything from you, okay? I have a very successful blog. The blog has been my primary source of income for two years. The travel guide position was just a convenient way to fund my travel and grow the blog, but I'm good now. I'm established. I'm going to focus on that. I'm fine." I add the last bit a little testily because I'm starting to feel like I'm being interviewed about my life choices and I'm not here for that.
"So you're going to focus on your travel blog. With a baby?"
"Yup. I'll just fit my work in around the baby's sleep schedule."
He just stares at me like he's some kind of baby expert and I have no idea what I'm getting into. I mean fine, I might be projecting a little bit but I don't appreciate his attitude.
"I'll take the baby with me," I add in case he's confused. "I've already created a second blog page and registered the domain for a traveling with kids site. I've done the research, I'm going to double my revenue by adding a second site about traveling with kids. Millennials are all about traveling with their babies."
"Like vagabonds?" Yeah. He's not impressed.
"Vagabonds? What are you, eighty-seven years old?"
He's quiet for a few moments, staring at me like I'm a puzzle to be solved while stroking his chin like an ancient professor. It's annoying.
But he's also really hot. That's annoying too.
"What does your family think about all this?" he finally asks when it's clear I'm not going to say more.
"They don't know yet," I admit.
"And why is that? You haven't told your sister? Your identical twin sister?