head, who said: "Nothing will be any good without me." Making love to Jack on the morning of her marriage to Alfred had been the greatest sin she had ever committed, and she had no doubt that now she was being punished for it; but still there were times when she felt it was the only good thing she had done in her entire life; and when she looked at her baby, she could not bring herself to regret it. Nevertheless she was restless. A baby was not enough. She felt incomplete, unfulfilled. Her house seemed too small, Kingsbridge seemed half dead, life was too uneventful. She became impatient with the baby and snappish with Martha.
At the end of the summer, the farmer brought the horse back: it was no longer needed, and suddenly Richard and Aliena had no income. One day in early autumn Richard went to Shiring to sell his armor. While he was away, and Aliena was eating apples for dinner to save money, Jack's mother walked into the house.
"Ellen!" Aliena said. She was more than startled. There was consternation in her voice, for Ellen had cursed a church wedding, and Prior Philip might yet have her punished for it.
"I came to see my grandson," Ellen said calmly.
"But how did you know...?"
"You hear things, even in the forest." She went over to the cradle in the corner and looked at the sleeping child. Her face softened. "Well, well. There's no doubt about whose son he is. Does he keep well?"
"Never had anything wrong with him-he's small but tough," Aliena said proudly. She added: "Like his grandmother." She studied Ellen. She was leaner than when she had left, and brown-skinned, and she wore a short leather tunic that revealed her tanned calves. Her feet were bare. She looked young and fit: forest life seemed to suit her. Aliena calculated that she must be thirty-five years old. "You seem very well," she said.
"I miss you all," Ellen said. "I miss you, and Martha, and even your brother Richard. I miss my Jack. And I miss Tom." She looked sad.
Aliena was still worried for her safety. "Did anyone see you coming here? The monks might still want to punish you."
"There isn't a monk in Kingsbridge who's got the guts to arrest me," she said with a grin. "But I was careful anyway-no one saw me." There was a pause. Ellen looked hard at Aliena. Aliena became slightly uncomfortable under the penetrating stare of Ellen's curious honey-colored eyes. At last Ellen said: "You're wasting your life."
"What do you mean?" Aliena said, though Ellen's words had struck a chord instantly.
"You should go and find Jack."
Aliena felt a pang of delicious hope. "But I can't," she said.
"Why not?"
"I don't know where he is, for one thing."
"I do."
Aliena's heart beat faster. She had thought nobody knew where Jack had gone. It was as if he had vanished off the face of the earth. But now she would be able to imagine him in a specific, real place. It changed everything. He might be somewhere nearby. She could show him his baby.
Ellen said: "At least, I know where he was headed."
"Where?" Aliena said urgently.
"Santiago de Compostela."
"Oh, God." Her heart sank. She was desperately disappointed. Compostela was the town in Spain where the Apostle James was buried. It was a journey of several months. Jack might as well have been on the far side of the world.
Ellen said: "He was hoping to speak to the jongleurs on the road and find out something about his father."
Aliena nodded disconsolately. That made sense. Jack had always resented knowing so little about his father. But he might well never return. On such a long journey he was almost certain to find a cathedral he wanted to work on, and then he might settle down. In going to seek his father he had probably lost his son.
"It's so far away," Aliena said. "I wish I could go after him."
"Why not?" Ellen said. "Thousands of people go there on pilgrimage. Why shouldn't you?"
"I made a vow to my father to take care of Richard until he becomes the earl," she told Ellen. "I couldn't leave him."
Ellen looked skeptical. "Just how do you imagine you're helping him at the moment?" she said. "You're penniless and William is the new earl. Richard has lost any chance he might have had of regaining the earldom. You're no more use to him here in Kingsbridge than you would be in Compostela. You dedicated your life