needs this big favour and I said I’d talk to you about it.’
I can’t imagine what this could be. It certainly can’t be money. I remember being at a wedding reception about eighteen months ago with Mark. This friend of his – Alan, I think it was – asked Mark if Mark could lend him five pounds, as he didn’t have quite enough money left for a mini cab. Mark must have spent half an hour trying to work out some other solution for his friend to get home that didn’t involve him lending him the five pounds. I’d never seen Mark look so glum. Eventually, he relented, and I saw him drag the fiver out of his wallet like it had been fixed in there with some treacle/superglue/quicksand hybrid.
‘So what is it? What’s Danny Crump’s problem?’ I laugh. ‘Apart from being called Danny Crump, of course.’
‘Hey, don’t knock Danny. He’s a good bloke. He was a good mate to me until we lost touch. We had a lot of fun together. We had this great couple of days in Bristol a few years back.’
‘So?’ I’m getting a little suspicious here. Mark is prevaricating too much. He’s talking up Danny like he’s going to move him in with us or something.
‘Well, it’s like this. Danny was going on this holiday he’d planned with this mate of his called Callum. Greece. Little island called Zante. Somewhere on the west coast, I think. Never heard of it myself. Lovely hotel, apparently. Swimming pool, the works.’
‘Yeah yeah yeah. Go on.’
‘So he’d got the tickets sorted out and the hotel rooms booked and everything like that, then on Thursday, yesterday, something awful happened. Callum came off his bike on the way back from the pub the other night…’
That tells me all I need to know about Callum, then. Callum = major dipstick.
‘…and he put his hand out to break his fall and broke his wrist really badly. His hand, wrist and forearm are in plaster. Really hurt, apparently.’
‘Oh dear.’ I must have precognition, because I can see what’s coming. Mark has taken a week’s leave next week. We were going to bum around doing nothing, maybe take a few day trips to the centre of London. I was looking forward to visiting a few of the big art galleries to get some inspiration. Mark doesn’t mind doing this as most of them are free. I was probably going to do a bit of work, but nothing serious. There were also a couple of movies we were thinking of going to see. I haven’t told Mark, but I’ve already booked one of them. We even talked about going out for a meal – an excuse for me to wear my (fairly) new LBD. I seem to be speaking in the past tense for some reason.
‘So anyway, Danny’s really upset about it. They were going with a couple of girl friends of Callum’s. Not girlfriends or anything. Just girls who are friends, know what I mean?’
‘Yeah. Just friends of Callum’s who happen to be girls. Girl friends. Two words as opposed to one.’
I’m helping him out here. I don’t know why. A little voice in my head says that I should be making this as difficult as possible for him.
‘That’s right! Anyway all the hotel’s booked and the flights and all of that and it’s only really a five day holiday, leaving on Sunday, coming back the following Saturday.’
‘Not long at all.’
‘That’s what I thought. Anyway, Danny asked me if I could help him out, because he doesn’t really…’
‘Want to go on holiday with a couple of girls?’
‘That’s it! That’s exactly it! So he asked if I wouldn’t mind taking Callum’s place. Like I said, it’s only for five days, really. Everything’s sorted out and the whole thing will only cost a little over three hundred quid, which is nothing. Do you mind, angel?’
I’m trying to think of a response to this, but find I don’t have anything at all to say. I can feel my brain racing around trying to find some situation in the past that I can compare this to, but there’s nothing, nothing at all. Did he just call me ‘angel’?
In desperation, I try to think of works of fiction or films or TV shows where a situation like this has occurred, but there’s no help there, either. What Mark has said sounds so reasonable and plausible that there’s no possible dramatic response. It’s not a bad thing and it’s not a