Fingers too, so much that she couldn’t wear the rings she’d first put on in June (not that she was particularly disappointed about that). Breasts, toes. But that was it.
She cleared her throat. “Oh, um. No. No, he won’t make it.”
The tech kept her face carefully blank, but Nina didn’t miss a flicker of pity there as she glanced at her before looking back at the screen. Most of the other women in this office had their partners with them. Nina’s hadn’t made a single appearance at any of her prenatal appointments thus far.
The bigger difference, though, was that she didn’t want him there at all.
It had been a month since that terrifying morning and almost as long since Nina had begged her grandmother for an audience with the board. Celeste, of course, had probed and re-probed every aspect of the potential deal before even consulting her calendar.
In the end, it was only an appeal to her sense of propriety that had done it.
“Grandmother, be honest. How will it look if I’m the only person in the family married to a failure?”
Thankfully, Calvin had been better prepared for the inquisition. He had stood next to Nina with his business plan in hand—a binder full of projections, numbers, property history, and so forth. Nina didn’t know what half of it meant, but in the end, it had still come down to her. Grandmother, sitting in her place at the head of the long table, had looked Nina in the eye and asked: “Is this truly what you want? Another five million out of your trust fund liquidated early?”
Her name would be on everything, Calvin had promised her. An investment for them both.
Nina didn’t care so long as he never touched her again. Five million from an account containing hundreds seemed like a pittance. The money itself was an illusion anyway, considering she wouldn’t even be eligible to access most of it past her monthly allowance until she was over forty. If begging for a paltry piece would pay for Calvin’s inattention, it would be well worth it.
Permission had been granted. The money deposited into a fund under both their names the following week. And Calvin had disappeared for several weeks, appearing only a few times in the early mornings after nights out with his new “associates.” Sitting beside her bed, sometimes with a drink in hand.
But he hadn’t touched her since.
“Nice strong heartbeat,” remarked the tech as she moved the ultrasound transducer over Nina’s swollen belly. “Oh, look! There’re some good kicks going on. You’ll probably start feeling those in another three, maybe four weeks, I’d guess.”
Nina nodded. The baby’s heartbeat was a hushed lullaby around the dim blue room. But instead of watching the screen, she closed her eyes while the tech continued to take photos and measurements. It was strangely soothing, this touch via machine. Impersonal, of course, but at least it wasn’t threatening.
How long until you can get yourself back to normal?
Calvin had asked her that only two days earlier, the last time she’d woken to find him staring at her from the chair at her vanity. Still no touches, but the way he looked at her made her feel like a treat about to spoil.
I’m not interested in a wife with an ass like cottage cheese, you know.
Would Giuseppe have said that?
Peppe’s face appeared again, as it often did now when Nina felt sad or alone. She nuzzled into the pillow, pretending it was his lean chest. His warmth instead of the coarse linen. His touch on her belly, loving his unborn child, instead of a machine. At night, peace only seemed to come when she imagined Peppe spooned around her.
Principessa, he’d say dreamily. Before he’d return to his family. His wife.
Since that terrible morning with Calvin nearly a month ago, Nina had started and thrown out five different letters and twice as many emails. More and more, she was starting to feel Giuseppe had the right to know about his baby.
This heartbeat, this child. It belonged to him too. She didn’t expect anything from him. Didn’t want to ruin his marriage or his family, and she had more than enough to care for the child herself. It could still be a secret, just between them. No scandal necessary.
But every time she tried to write the words, her tongue got stuck in her throat and her fingers froze.
Peppe, I’m sorry.
Peppe, I lied.
Peppe, I miss you.
Peppe…I’m preg—
“All right, Mrs. Gardner. It looks like everything is in order.”
Nina opened