exertions. No, he was as serene and untroubled as a nun, and why wouldn’t he be? He wasn’t drenched in sweat, because he had no fucking idea what to do or say next. He knew exactly what to do, and he was beautiful and graceful, not some awkward, bumbling dumbass who was ungraceful and embarrassed his master. No wonder Logan preferred him to be his demo partner.
Since I’d been staying at Logan’s apartment, we had both been mostly at work or going grocery shopping or doing other mundane things and not out in the real world—the real world of BDSM, I mean. Logan said he preferred to be home, and he liked playing there. He said he got tired of the club all the time, but I didn’t believe him. I knew going to the club was something Logan enjoyed, and I was trying to enjoy it more too. I just wasn’t sure it was working. I was afraid that once Logan saw me here like a duck out of water in this little pond, he could see that it might never work. Maybe he’d already seen it and that’s why he hadn’t advanced my training all that much.
Maybe even now he was trying to think of a way to let me down easy—and maybe that was why he’d wanted to go to the club alone tonight. Maybe his plan was to let me see gradually over the next week or so left on our temporary contract that I just wasn’t cut out for this lifestyle. To let me see how out of my depth I really was.
It was like a lightbulb came on in my brain. That was it—I was losing Logan and there wasn’t much I could do about it. Except perhaps I could still show him that I could be what he wanted and needed in a sub. I decided I’d talk to him that night, after we got back to his apartment. I’d simply tell him I wanted to explore more in the relationship and adjust our contract. He’d said I could do that. I wasn’t going to go gentle into that good night. I was going to rage plenty. In fact, I’d be kicking and screaming all the way.
Later, after we got back home, and Logan was settled in front of the TV, he patted the spot next to him. It was really late, and he looked tired, but I went over to snuggle in close. I took a deep breath and hit him with the idea.
“When is the next demo at the club?”
“Hmm? I’m not sure. I have one to do over at Chains across town next week though. They want me to show them Kinbaku.”
“Can I do it with you? I’d really love to.”
“No, I’ve already arranged for Cody to go. I’ve used him the most, so he knows the drill.”
“Yes, but you could teach me the drill.”
He glanced over at me. “The last time I demonstrated on you, you sank so deeply into sub space I thought I’d have to give you mouth to mouth.”
“Oh please, that’s such an exaggeration.”
“Not much. I don’t like you slipping that deep. It makes you groggy for the rest of the evening.”
“I’d really like to learn. Maybe we could work on it?”
“Sure.” He stood up and stretched. “Come on and let’s go to bed. I have to get up early in the morning.”
“I’ll stay up and watch the news.”
He frowned at me. “No, last time you said that you stayed up until two in the morning. Come on, bedtime for you.”
I opened my mouth to reply, and he gave me a stern look, so I swallowed the “no” down. It didn’t go down easily. I stood up, looking mutinous, and he slapped my butt.
“What was that for?”
“For what you were thinking.”
I spluttered out a protest, and he laughed, picking me up in a fireman’s carry and taking me up to the bedroom, where he proceeded to make me change my mind about my bedtime. Going to bed when he told me really wasn’t so bad after all.
The next day, I had lunch with Tori, and I told her my concerns about not being enough for Logan.
She looked at me sharply. “Did he say so?”
“No, of course not. But he never does much in scenes at home or in the club beyond give me a spanking now and then. Sometimes with a crop or a flogger and sometimes with his hand.”
“Which is what you asked for in