always are.” Darcy rolled her eyes. “It sounds like all hell is breaking loose. I better get in there. Thanks for the sanity break.”
I snorted. “If me talking about time travel is sane, then I don’t want to know what you consider insane.”
“Having five kids in your thirties?” She raised a brow. “Six if you include Mike. Want me to send the man-child out to walk you home?”
I shook my head. “Nah, I need a little time to come up with a plan.”
She gave me an impulsive hug, rare because Darcy wasn’t a hugger. “Okay. Promise to call me before you, you know.”
I stuck out my gloved hand and crooked my smallest digit. “Pinky swears.”
She hooked hers around mine.
“Dar-ceeee!”
My bestie shook her head, collected the mugs, and then headed back into the house.
It was a cold and quiet slog up the hill to the Victorian. My breath came out in little puffs as I stared up at the moon and thought about what Darcy had said. I could change. People did it all the time. Wake up one morning and decide it was time for something new. Hell, isn’t that what the midlife crisis was all about?
But changing who I was now wouldn’t fix the past or the bad luck that came from squandering my gift. How would I break the cycle of bad luck, garbage choices, and a life that had led me on a wild goose chase to absolutely nowhere?
The things Robin had told me were admittedly scary. My three trips were really one and a half. That when I went back, I would be completely on my own because I couldn’t tell a single soul who I really was or what I was doing. If I went back and died, that would be the end. And even if I did succeed, I would still be stuck with memories of failure because it would take over two decades for my echo self to catch up.
And there was still Robin’s favor waiting in the wings.
I was so lost in thought that I didn’t notice Dragon sitting on the porch swing wrapped in an Afghan until she sent the glider into motion.
“And here I thought I was the only one desperate enough to be out in these temperatures.” I made a shooing gesture and she slid over to make room for me.
She didn’t say anything and we rocked in silence for a time.
“Are you nervous about starting at a new school?” I asked her.
She shrugged. “A little.”
What did one say to a taciturn teenager anyway?
“Is that guy your boyfriend?” Dragon asked.
“What guy? You mean Robin?”
She nodded.
“No, he’s just a friend.” In the oddest sense of the word.
“Do you have a boyfriend?”
“Nope. I’m as single as they come. What’s with all the questions about my love life.” Or lack thereof.
She took a deep breath. “Mom said once that you were a lesbian.”
My eyebrows went up to hit my hairline. “Did she.”
“Not to me or anything. I just overheard her while she was talking to someone on the phone. But that’s not true is it?” Her tone sounded almost hopeful.
“I’m not a lesbian,” I told her softly. “I’m not attracted to women.”
Dragon pushed the swing with her foot. “I didn’t think so. If you were a lesbian you would have stayed married when your husband became a woman, right?”
“Not exactly.” Why was everyone on my case about my marriage today? First Robin asking about our sex life. Which had been fine and never more than that. And now Dragon.
I needed to do better explaining it to her than I did Robin. I could brush him off because he wanted to be nosy and shocking. A general pain in the rump. But my gut was telling me Dragon needed something, though I had no idea what.
“The thing is, George always needed to be Georgia. I didn’t know that when we got married. He didn’t tell me that.”
“So he lied to you?” Dragon asked.
I wrinkled my nose. “More like he was lying to himself. You ever hear the saying fake it ‘til you make it? I think that’s what both George and I were doing in our marriage. Faking it for our own reasons. We wanted to work out.”
“But, like, did the idea of being with a woman disgust you? Sexually, I mean.” Her voice had taken on that intense note.
“I wouldn’t say disgust. More like it’s not really what I wanted.” A thought occurred and I cleared my throat and asked, “Dragon, honey.