way. Some of you, however, are resisting! Are falling into indiscipline!’ Whether he didn’t look at me directly because he was playing one of his mind games I don’t know, but there were plenty of sideways glances, and the back of my head burned till my ears glowed red.
“People, you are chosen for The Learning, it chose you, you who responded to the call, the sound of your inner-I, the voice of your soul. Who would dare to waste such a chance? Who would take a flower in their hand and brutally crush it? Who would take their nurturing mother by the hand, and then throw her down the stairs? People, we must work harder to save the weak among us. We must concentrate on their weakness. We must fill them with our special love. More breathing, then, today, it will be eight hours.’
Can you see? Can you see what they’ve done to me, to each other? Is there no getting out of here? The rope to cross the strait has gone and the raft is on the other side! Is there no way to freedom? I can’t concentrate; it only fills me with hate. For all I know there’s been a war out there, or a pandemic, or been taken over by zombies, while all I have is to listen to these sanctimonious shits torture themselves (and me) for no good reason.
ITS NIGHT-TIME NOW and they’re all asleep. The moon’s full and the cicadas are drowning out the noise of the snoring chorus. I’m out and I’m going. I’m like Captain Willard looking for Colonel Kurtz, and I’m going to find him and bash his brains in. This is the end, beautiful friend.
Can you hear the music? Call me delusional, but that was the problem in the first place. Greed, hatred and delusion. There’s no overcoming them. Don’t even try. Can you picture what will be? So limitless and free. I’m not desperately in need of anything. I got this. There, that rock. It’s heavy, and this is some heavy shit.
What was that? Nothing. Looks like Baldy’s sleeping. His window’s open. Quietly. Like a mouse .Look at him sleeping. Even a monster looks pacific while asleep. Enjoy it buddy, this going to be your last one.
I have second thoughts as the rock is in my hands above his head, I mean, who wouldn’t, this shit’s going to get me into loads of trouble. But at the same time, I finally understand what all those shrinks in the serial killer documentaries meant when they said that the murderer wants to feel like God. It’s true, at this moment, I do. Not only that, I consider it an act of liberation, like those domestic abuse women who finally snap and whack their husbands in the head with an axe.
Urgh, I think I’m going to be sick. I am. He urgh. Bweurgh. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. The sound that it made, like stepping on a dry branch. And his face, it’s gone. His fucking face is gone. God my hands are shaking. The safe! The keys! Look at all these passports, the phones, the money! Fuck it, I’m having them too, what do these dumb bastards need them for.
‘WHAT? What are you doing? What have you done? Help!’
‘Shut up you idiot or I’ll brain you as well.’ It’s ‘that’ girl. She seems to be hyperventilating. ‘Look, keep quiet, come with me, we’ll share the cash and get out of here, only kept quiet, or else! Understand.’ Jumping Jesus Mary and Joseph would you look at her, she’s nodding her head and doing as I say. Whoever knew that life could be this easy. ‘Come on, follow me.’
With all the stuff in the bag we make it down to the beach, and just in time, because I can hear them waking up over there. That’s funny, where’s all the water gone, oh boy is my luck in, it’s like the parting of the Red Sea. I keep turning my head to look at her, thinking that any minute now she’ll be off and screaming, but she just keeps looking at me and following, she must be in shock or something.
This is a damn sight easier than that raft, but what’s going on, it doesn’t seem natural. There is fish flapping in the wet sand and it’s as if the water was a carpet pulled from underneath their feet, or fins, I should say. And what’s that rumbling? What’s that sound? Is