this baby comes.
Dr. Lizzy comes in, interrupting my internal tailspin. “Hi, guys. How are we doing?” She reaches into a drawer and grabs the Doppler.
“I’m humongous,” I deadpan.
She smiles. “You’re just where I want you.”
She squirts some gel on my belly and moves the microphone around for the heartbeat. “Have you been doing your kick counts?”
I nod. “Yes…this peanut is very active, which is surprising because I wouldn’t think there’s enough room for the kid to breathe, let alone flip around in there.”
Dr. Lizzy nods. “A woman’s body is a wonderful thing.”
The baby’s heart rate pumps through the Doppler, and my insides melt just like they do every time I hear that magical sound. It’s amazing how madly in love you can be with someone before you’ve even met them. Too bad Josh doesn’t have a clue what that’s like. What kind of a dad will he be to this baby if he’s truly incapable of love like he says he is?
“Heart rate is good. I’m just going to check your cervix now,” she says, handing me a towel to wipe off the gel.
“Oh good, the fun part,” I drone as I get into position.
This is the most action I’ve had in a month because my baby daddy decided to offer to put a ring on it. Except…there was no ring. Yet another reason my proposal will go down in the record books as the most pathetic.
Dr. Lizzy finishes examining me and then helps me sit up. “Have you guys discussed your birth plan?”
I shake my head. “Not yet but I did find a daycare center inside my boss’s wellness center building.” I smile because Dr. Gunthrie and I have been getting along so well that she’s offered me a more permanent position in her clinic after I get back from maternity leave. Despite everything going on between Josh and me, that’s one positive that I’m holding tight to.
Dr. Lizzy smiles. “That’s wonderful and don’t worry about the birth plan. You have a little time to figure it out, but don’t wait too long. You’re thirty-four weeks, fifty percent effaced, and dilated to a one already. I wouldn’t be surprised if this little one comes a touch early due to limited square footage.”
“How early do you think the baby could come?” Josh asks, his tone not the least bit casual.
Dr. Lizzy holds her hands up. “Many women stay dilated at a one all the way up until full term, so try not to worry.”
“If she delivered now, that would mean NICU time for sure, right? Does she need to go on bed rest? She can quit her job.”
My jaw drops. “Excuse me,” I snap and turn to level Josh with a warning. “Don’t speak for me right now.”
Josh’s eyes narrow. “Lynsey, if you’re dilating already, you should be on bed rest. This isn’t the time for you—”
“Hey, please calm down. A lot of my patients dilate to a one this early on, and their cervix doesn’t budge until the very end. I even have to induce some of them.”
“We do not want an induction,” Josh snaps, and I turn to gape at him again. His eyes flare defensively. “Have you read up on inductions? They have a lot of risks.”
“So do baby daddies who act like dicks,” I growl, immediately mortified because Dr. Lizzy is witnessing our domestic disfunction. I turn my attention to her. “I’m so sorry.”
She shakes her head. “These arguments happen all the time. You guys are doing great. Baby is good, and I’m not worried about your cervix, but we’ll check it next week to confirm. Just try to do some talking this week so you both can get on the same page. Okay?”
Dr. Lizzy says her goodbyes, and Josh stands to help me off the table. I yank my hand away from him and slip off the table. “I don’t need your help, okay?”
Josh growls under his breath. “Can we just talk about this already, Jones? You’ve been quiet for weeks, and you look at me like I’m a fucking monster.”
I cross my arms over my chest like a shield. “I do not.”
“You do too.” There’s a glimpse of pain in his eyes that he rarely shows. He crouches slightly so he’s eye level with me. “I’m not a monster. I’m just a man who wants to be with you and raise this child together. What’s so fucking bad about that?”
“You’re a man who doesn’t love me,” I force myself to say the words out