woman for me.
“I’m sorry, baby.” I try to take her hands, but she pulls away.
Shaking her head, she replies, “I know you are. But I can’t deal with this right now. I fall so easily into your arms, and I ignore the fact that you keep me at a distance.” She wipes her eyes, and my guts twist.
I screwed up monumentally here.
She adds, “Maybe I can think better if we take a step back again. My hormones are all over the place, and we both need to really think about what’s happening here and where this is going.”
She turns to leave the room, but I can’t let her go like this. Leaping after her, I stop her. “I’m here for you, Jones. For this baby. You want to think about it, and I get that. Just know this truly is what I want, and I think we could be happy together.”
She nods stiffly pulling her lip into her mouth, obviously doing her best not to cry as she leaves the room.
I just made the situation worse.
Fuck. I really am a dick.
“Oh, my God,” I groan as I double blink at the scale, hoping my eyes are deceiving me.
The nurse smiles. “Totally normal at thirty-four weeks pregnant.”
“Normal?” I exclaim, my jaw dropped in horror. “That much weight gain is normal? What’s abnormal?”
Josh shifts behind me.
I swing around, holding a finger up to him. “Don’t you dare look at the number on this scale, or I swear to the pie gods I will shank you with a well-sharpened plastic fork.”
Josh levels me with a flat look but smartly backs away.
The nurse writes the horrifying number down before guiding us to the exam room. Peanut wiggles, clearly doing everything he or she can do to find room in there because my pie butt is clearly having a pie baby.
“Just slip into this gown, and Dr. Lizzy will be in to see you guys soon,” the nurse says, her eyes checking out Josh who’s looking all hot and doctory in his work scrubs before she steps out of the room.
I change quickly in the bathroom and shuffle out feeling like a beached whale in a muumuu as I crawl up onto the exam table. “You get to stay hot and be checked out by cute nurses while I get to pork up and be optioned as inspiration for a Thanksgiving Day parade float.”
“Stop,” Josh grumbles, leaning back in his chair beside me. “You’re not fat. You’re pregnant. And even if you were fat, you’re still hot.”
“I don’t feel hot,” I groan and lift my gown, pointing at my belly. “I now have that weird vertical pregnancy line, and I’m certain my belly button will never look the same after this.”
Josh turns his attention away from my belly, his eyes narrowing slightly on me. “Well, you are growing a human inside you, Jones. Some changes to the external are to be expected.”
I roll my eyes at his ridiculous doctory reply. And his ridiculous doctory reaction. And our ridiculously, ridiculous situation.
It’s been a month since he proposed, and we went from happy couple having great sex and genuinely enjoying each other’s company to barely cohabitating. I’ve been sleeping in my bed, he’s been sleeping in his. Occasionally, he asks me if I’ve considered his “proposal” like it’s nothing more than a business deal. And every time, I tell him that I still don’t know what I want to do.
Because I don’t.
Because I’m a fool. I’m a fool who knew this man wasn’t capable of love, yet I let myself fall for him anyway. I let myself dream of being a happy family of three, and having more kids, and going on normal family vacations, and doing things that two people who are in love and want to have a life together do.
But that’s not Josh, which is something I have to decide if I can live with. And I have no clue what the hell I think about anything. Which is why I haven’t even told Kate or Dean about the proposal. I don’t want any outsiders influencing my decision. Kate will tell me I deserve real, epic love, and that I should kick Dr. Dick to the curb. And Dean will tell me that there’s no way Dr. Dick won’t fall in love with me…just give him some time.
The problem is, I don’t have time. I’m having a baby, and I’d like to know what kind of happily ever is in store for me before