together from shoulder to hip. ‘I couldn’t lie to her face when she asked me.’
‘I lost you for a while afterwards.’ His breath warms my ear. ‘I hated it.’
‘Me too.’
He looks down at me, and then he lays his forehead against mine. There’s no one else in this room any more for me. He’s Jack O’Mara, and I’m Laurie James, and I close my eyes and remember us.
‘Do you think we were always destined to know each other?’ I say.
In my head I’m cresting the Ferris wheel with Jack beside me, our heads tipped back to look at the stars. Perhaps it’s the wine, but my stomach flips slowly as he laughs quietly against my ear.
‘I don’t know if I believe in all that destiny stuff, Lu, but I’ll always be glad you’re in my life.’
He looks down into my eyes and his mouth is so close I can feel his breath on my lips. I ache.
‘Me too,’ I whisper. ‘Even though being with you is hard on my heart sometimes.’
It’s difficult to read the look in his eyes. Regret, maybe?
‘Don’t,’ he says. ‘Don’t say any more.’ He brushes my hair behind my ear, probably so I can hear him more clearly, but what it actually does is bring his lips heart-stoppingly close to my skin. ‘We’ve both got too much to lose.’
‘I know,’ I say, and I do. God knows I do. I’m lonely so much of the time, but Oscar’s continued absences are no justification for crossing lines that should never be crossed with a wedding ring on your hand.
‘We’re not kids any more,’ Jack says, his thumb circling slowly on the base of my back. ‘You’re Oscar’s wife. I watched you marry him, Laurie.’
I try to recapture the feeling of my wedding day, but all my treacherous heart can conjure up is Jack’s speech.
‘Do you ever think what if …’ I stop, because his lips brush briefly against the skin beneath my ear as he bends his head to shush me. I’m shamed by the sharp twist of lust that stabs through me, all the way from my ear to the pit of my stomach. It takes my breath; I want him with a force that frightens me.
‘Of course I’ve wondered what if,’ he says, so low and intimate that his words slide straight into my veins. ‘But we know what if, Lu. We tried it once before, remember? We kissed and it made everything worse for both of us.’
‘Of course I remember,’ I breathe. I’ll remember to the day I die.
He adjusts our hands, his fingers warm around mine.
And then he looks down at me, and his eyes say all the things he cannot. His gaze holds mine as we dance slowly, and I silently tell him that I’ll always carry him in my heart, and he silently tells me that in another place, another time, we’d have been pretty damn close to perfect.
‘For what it’s worth –’ his hand slips into my hair and he strokes his thumb along my jaw – ‘and because we’re finally being honest with each other, you’re just about my favourite person in the world, and it was the single most spectacular kiss of my whole life.’
I’m lost. Lost in his words, and his arms, and in what might have been.
‘We could …’ I start, but I don’t say more, because we both know we can’t.
‘Don’t,’ he says. ‘We’re all where we should be.’
I start to cry; too much wine, too much emotion, too much of my life walking out the door tonight. He gathers me close and presses his lips to my ear.
‘Don’t cry,’ he says. ‘I love you, Laurie James.’
I look up, unsure how to read his words, and he looks away.
‘Jack?’
I turn at the sound of Amanda’s voice as she weaves towards us through the dancers.
‘Okay?’ She looks from Jack to me, eyebrows raised in enquiry, and I dash my hands across my wet cheeks.
‘Sorry. Emotional wreck,’ I gulp, shaky. ‘Ignore me, it’s the wine. I’m just upset about Sarah leaving.’ I glance quickly at Jack, not quite meeting his eyes. ‘Sorry about your damp shirt. Send me the dry-cleaning bill.’
Wearily, I let myself into the flat and strip off for bed. Considering the amount of wine I’ve had, I’m suddenly as sober as a judge. I’ve been over and over the things we said tonight, and I’m shamed by how easily the bedrock of my marriage crumbled under pressure. The truth is that I’ve walked around