enjoy yourself and be at peace. And one day, perhaps, I want to see you happily married with a family of your own. I want all that for you.”
Louisa’s words, which meant to express affection and loyalty, gave Leonora pause. Indeed, ever since the night of the masquerade, she had found herself wondering about her future. Never had she thought much about marriage and family. She had always been too preoccupied with her interests, her passion. Yet, after what happened, she now found herself wondering if she would ever be able to marry. After all, a mere dance with Lord Sedgwick had nearly made her flee his presence. “I’m not certain I’ll ever be able to marry.”
Louisa sighed, casting her sister an encouraging smile. “Give yourself time. Be patient. One day, you might not feel as you do now.”
Leonora nodded, wishing her sister could be right. Still, doubt remained. “Perhaps. Perhaps not.” Her thoughts moved to moments she had observed between Louisa and her new husband, and she turned curious eyes to her sister. “You do not mind when Phineas comes close, when he pulls you into his arms, do you?”
Louisa frowned, the hint of a smile upon her lips. “Of course not. Why do you ask?”
Leonora turned her head and allowed her eyes to sweep over Hyde Park, over the many couples promenading here and there in the early spring sun. She saw affection and smiles and people at peace with themselves and each other. “Before, I never much thought about the closeness between a husband and wife,” Leonora mumbled more to herself than to her sister. “Now, it seems like an insurmountable obstacle.” She looked back at her sister, wondering what it felt like to feel completely at ease in a man’s company. “There are certain intimacies shared between husband and wife that I don’t believe I’ll ever feel comfortable with.”
Louisa’s kind eyes looked into hers, and Leonora could see her own pain reflected back at her. Indeed, her sister had found utter happiness and knew to consider herself fortunate. She knew what it was that Leonora was missing out on. Leonora could see it in her eyes. “You might feel that way now,” Louisa counseled gently, “but one day, you will feel differently.”
Leonora heaved a deep sigh. “You cannot know that. All I know is how I feel now, and it is not promising.”
Louisa grasped her hands. “Perhaps you simply have to give this a try. For months, you have kept yourself locked away. Of course, it takes time to reacquaint yourself with those around you, with normal interactions. You danced with Lord Sedgwick, and although it might have been far from easy, you managed at least. Perhaps you need to consider this a first step and prepare yourself to take others. Over time, they may lead you to your own happiness.”
Leonora looked at her sister with curious eyes. “I’ve never heard you speak in such a rational manner,” she chuckled, deeply affected by her sister’s thoughtfulness. She knew that Louisa never liked considering things in too detailed a manner. “Are you truly suggesting an experiment?”
Louisa frowned. “An experiment? No, I merely believe that you need to mingle, have conversations, dance and see how you feel about these kinds of interactions. Perhaps over time, you will start to feel better.”
A deeply affectionate laugh burst from Leonora’s lips. “It might shock you, dear sister, but what you are describing is in its essence an experiment. You have a theory, which states that with time and practice my response to the opposite sex will change. Furthermore, you propose that I observe my responses closely in order to gauge whether or not certain interactions can be considered pleasant and might ultimately affect how I feel about intimacies common in a marriage. Is that not so?”
To Leonora’s great amusement, Louisa’s face bore an utterly bewildered and deeply shocked expression. Then she blinked and swallowed, clearly trying to settle her thoughts. “Quite frankly, Leo, I never thought the day would ever come that you and I would discuss anything remotely scientific. That in itself should prove to you that nothing is impossible.” A deep smile came to her face, and she squeezed Leonora’s hands gently. “You might not feel like it now, but you will heal. You will be yourself again if you find the right man for you. In my experience, it doesn’t matter how people make you feel as long as you have someone by your side who makes you