help it for it appeared to him that despite her words something did not quite add up. Had she not told him she was to meet Lord Gillingham the following day? And although Leonora had told him that she did not want Gillingham, Drake could not help but think that she might marry him, nonetheless. Indeed, Leonora was a rational creature, and perhaps she had found some sensible reason why Gillingham would be good for her. Had she not spoken of him in such a way before? Had she not described Gillingham as a kind and decent man, one who would treat her right? Whom she would be safe with?
Sitting in the dark of his study, Drake stared into the shadows, wondering if all the qualities Leonora had listed about Gillingham were qualities that he, Drake, did not possess. Did she not think him a decent man she would be safe with? Yet, she had come to him alone and without protection. Did that not mean that she trusted him? Had she not said so before? But if so, then why would she insist on seeing Gillingham? Was it possible that she did not know how he, Drake, felt about her? Was it possible that she felt as he did? Uncertain?
Perhaps he simply ought to address her and be honest, risk his own heart before he demanded hers?
Perhaps.
Hanging his head, Drake buried his face in his hands as he sat at his desk, waiting for dawn to come. His mind replayed countless events again and again, showing him moments he had shared with Lenora, but also moments she had shared with others, with Sedgwick and Gillingham. He also remembered the dowager countess approaching him at the Christmas house party, asking him if he believed Gillingham to be the right man for her granddaughter.
Then, Drake had not understood how important that question and its answer had been.
Now, he knew.
Indeed, it seemed that the dowager had known from the very beginning how he had felt about Leonora or how he would come to feel about her. How was it possible that she had known even then? For she had, had she not? Had she not addressed him yet again at a ball not long ago, urging him to make up his mind before it would be too late? Had she too seen the threat of Gillingham, knowing that Leonora might be tempted to accept him if he, Drake, would be foolish enough not to realize how precious and unique she was?
Yes, it had taken him a long time to admit to himself how he felt and what he wanted. Long ago, he had learned that wanting something made one vulnerable. If one did not want, one could not lose.
Yet, if one did not love, one could not be loved in return.
Long hours passed, and Drake continued to sit at his desk. Every once in a while, he would lift his head and glance out the window, finding the world as dark as it had been before. Would dawn ever come?
His thoughts grew weary, and after a while, despite the energy still humming in his bones, Drake felt his eyelids droop. Exhaustion began to settle in his mind as much as in his body, slowly robbing him of the determination to remain awake, to not waste a single moment once the new day began.
The moment the sun rose and the hour would allow it, Drake intended to call on Leonora. He would speak to her and finally find clarity. Whether she truly wanted him or not, he needed to know.
For his own peace of mind.
When his thoughts trailed off and were lost to him, Drake did not know. However, when he suddenly woke with a start, his head snapping up and his eyes flying open, bright sunlight was streaming in through the windows. He shot to his feet, swayed momentarily, his hands gripping the edges of his desk as he blinked, trying to clear his mind. Had he fallen asleep?
Long strides carried him to the window, and pulling aside the curtain, Drake saw people strolling up and down the pavement, carriages rumbling along the cobblestone.
Indeed, the day had begun without him, and Drake cursed himself for allowing it to happen. Gritting his teeth, he charged from the room, reminding himself that he needed to change and shave before he could call upon Leonora.
He was halfway up the stairs when he heard a knock on his front door. His butler, diligent as always, appeared