had been tipped off that the Delta team was on their doorstep ready to raid the place.
They had gotten answers to why Demir had lost it and shot her down in that tunnel, though. His son had been killed in the raid. It was a fluke. The machines responsible for keeping him alive had been hit and damaged. He couldn’t survive off of those machines.
Merlin grimaced. “That bad, huh?”
Eleanor shrugged a shoulder. “I’ll survive.”
She had a feeling he wanted to ask more and she would bet it had to do with whether her career would survive or not, but he didn’t ask the question and she didn’t offer an answer. The truth was, she would make it.
The deputy director was latching onto what had happened, arguing against negotiating with guerrilla forces in the future. He was riding this high, trying to use it to push his agenda and career forward for all it was worth.
But as far as her boss was concerned, Eleanor had done her job. It was just that the people looking at all the data back here in Washington had analyzed things differently than she had. She would bet Merlin and his team dealt with that kind of thing all the time. Where the people on the ground weren’t necessarily the ones getting to call the shots. It was part of the job.
She sat back in her chair, forcing herself not to ask about Heath. “What brings you here? Follow-up from the op?”
Merlin shook his head, no. “This is a personal trip.”
Her brows went up but other than that she gave no reply.
Merlin looked nervous and she had to admit there were some humor in seeing this big man looking anxious. He shifted in his seat. “Heath doesn’t know I’m here.”
Eleanor was surprised by how much those words hurt. She supposed in some small way she had been hoping maybe he had sent him. How stupidly sophomoric of her was that? Like they were in high school and passing notes through friends.
Besides, she was the one who’d sent Heath away. She had no business hoping for news from him.
Merlin leaned forward putting his forearms on his knees and watching her intently. “He would kill me if he knew I was here, but he’s not the same since Kazarus.”
Didn’t she know it. That was the reason she’d sent him away. But how could she explain that to this man? She didn’t want to hurt Heath any more than she already had and she definitely wouldn’t discuss his loss of confidence in himself with someone else.
“I appreciate you coming here and telling me that, Merlin, but Heath and I aren’t right for each other.” She tried to force a smile, but she couldn’t. It hurt too much. “He and I just aren’t…” She didn’t know how to explain this to him. “We just aren’t meant to be together. We weren’t back in high school and we aren’t now.”
“I think you’re wrong. We all saw the way you two were together. Hell, you couldn’t ignore that. None of us would admit this easily, but we want that with someone. We want what you two feel for each other.”
Eleanor turned and looked out the window. It was all she ever wanted and she hoped someday he found the happiness he was looking for. She didn’t have the strength to let Merlin see how hard it was for her to admit that she wasn’t going to be that for him. So instead she looked out the window and forced herself not to cry.
They didn’t know how Heath had been before he entered the military. They couldn’t have seen the signs she had. The way his faith in himself had taken hit after hit with her back in the picture. The way he’d regressed to someone she knew he never wanted to be again.
She wouldn’t do that to him. No matter what his teammate thought he needed.
Chapter 35
“Roe, you got a minute?” Duff stepped into their commanding officer’s office.
He hoped his CO wouldn’t care that he was going to ask for a couple of days’ time when Merlin hadn’t gotten back yet from his personal time. The truth was during their down time between missions, they could usually take off for R&R, but with their certification being due they all needed to be here to get that done.
But he’d seen the way Heath was pushing himself these last few weeks, as if the devil was chasing him. Duff might not be the most