She realized she couldn’t really see him. She wasn’t getting enough oxygen. Her vision swam. Flashes of her best friend came to mind. Jenny laughing while the two of them spun around and around on the metal merry-go-round at their neighborhood playground.
Bex could picture it like it was yesterday. The memory was so solid. The metal base was red with those raised bumps all over it. What were those for? The bars were yellow. Bex was stronger. She was usually the one to jump off and run alongside the large circle to build up speed again. Jenny’s head was tipped back. Her long blond hair was flying wildly through the air. Her cheeks were pink from the sun. Her laughter rang inside Bex’s head as if she were currently in the room and the two of them were once again ten years old.
“Bex.” Someone was calling her name. A man. Not Jenny. Not her mother. A man.
She blinked several times and then focused. She gasped when she saw the man hovering over her. His face was so close. His hand was on her neck. She couldn’t quite make out his features.
She screamed, scrambling to get away from him. She shoved against his chest, but she was stuck, tangled up in something. Trapped.
The man released her and helped her get free, pulling something away from her legs.
The moment she could move, she flailed her arms around, blocking her face as she found her footing and stood. When she spun around, she stopped dead. Her hands were up in front of her in a defensive position. Bracken was lying on the bed, lifted up on one elbow. His expression was filled with concern. His brows were drawn together, and she realized he was talking to her.
She shook free of the nightmare and pulled in a deep breath. “Oh, God.” She covered her face with her hands.
She was aware of Bracken easing to the edge of the bed next to her. He reached out tentatively and set his hands on her hips. When she didn’t fight him, he pulled her between his legs and then held her close. “Shhh,” he soothed, his hand running up and down her back. “You’re okay.”
“It’s never happened when I was awake,” she murmured.
“It was my fault.”
She dropped her hands and met his gaze. “It’s not your fault.”
“I shouldn’t have brought up your, uh, friend.”
Bex drew in a deep breath. “It’s like I was asleep. I left my body. I couldn’t even hear you. Your voice was muffled as if I were underwater.” She let out a sob.
He pulled her closer, kissed her forehead. “You’re okay now.”
She let him hold her for a long time, his fingers grazing her back. Finally, she admitted out loud what they both knew. “I need help.”
“Yes.”
“I thought I could handle it on my own.”
“I know, baby.”
“It won’t stop.”
“I know.”
She leaned back and met his gaze. “Why are you so nice to me?”
He smiled. “I’m kind of fond of you.”
“I’m a pain in the ass.”
“No, you’re not.”
She widened her eyes. “Come on.” She couldn’t hold back the sarcasm. “I’m a horrible girlfriend. You could pick someone with far less baggage. Someone who you could at least be having sex with.” Her voice rose.
He gave her a little shake. “I don’t want someone else. I want you. And we’re going to figure this out.”
“Are we? I can’t even talk about it. I don’t want to, Bracken. I’ve never wanted to. I thought I could stuff it down deep and go to the grave with it.”
“I know you did. I get that. But it turns out you can’t. And you’re never going to be able to breathe easy and move on with your life until you work through whatever it is and come out on the other side.”
“I’m not being fair to you,” she pointed out.
He shook his head. “I’ve never asked you for more than I have from you.”
She closed her eyes and groaned. “I’m scared.”
“I know you are, baby. I’m a little scared myself, but I’m here for you. I’ll help you figure this out any way you need me to. Okay?”
She bit her lip and looked at him. “I don’t know if it is okay, Bracken.” Her heart was racing. “I don’t know if it will ever be okay.”
“There’s only one way to find out.”
“Ugh,” she groaned.
“I’ve got some names of people we can call if you don’t like Dr. Rawlins.”
She shook her head. “Dr. Rawlins is fine. She’s very nice. I’m