Not in the least.
After they cleared the table, loaded the dishwasher, and put the leftovers in the fridge, she joined him on the couch. She took a deep breath as she leaned into his side, setting her cheek on his shoulder. “I don’t feel pressured,” she told him, continuing their conversation. “I feel stressed though.”
He nudged her to lie down next to him, setting her head in his lap. He stroked her cheeks as he looked down at her. “What has you stressed?”
“I’m going to wake up gasping for air, Bracken. I do it often.”
“And I’ll be there to remind you you’re okay.”
“We haven’t had sex. Isn’t that kinda weird?”
He shook his head. “Nope. Not weird if we don’t make it weird.”
“Do you want to? Have sex I mean?” She held her breath. What a strange question to ask.
He chuckled. “Baby, I’ve wanted to have sex with you from the moment I picked you up for our first date. It’s just how I’m wired. You’re sexy and I’m into you. So, yes. But I’m not an animal. I can control myself. And I want you to be absolutely certain before we take that step. Meanwhile, I want you to sleep better, and I like having you near me. I’ll sleep better myself if you’re in my bed so I don’t have to wonder if you’re awake at your condo pacing all night.”
“What if I’m awake at your house pacing all night?”
“Then I’ll be tired the next day and we’ll sleep in.”
“You have an answer for everything.”
He chuckled again. “Not everything, but these are easy things to fix.”
She stared at him for a long time. No one had ever made her this comfortable. Not even her parents. She wanted to be here with him. She wanted to sleep in his bed. She also wanted to have sex with him. Soon. There was little doubt he would hold her at arm’s length today because the air was still so raw between them, but soon.
She licked her lips and spoke again. “I really appreciate everything you’re doing, and I like you. A lot. More than a lot. And I assume you like me too or you wouldn’t put up with my idiosyncrasies, but it makes me nervous because I’m worried you think at some point I’ll talk about my past and lay it all out there.”
He cleared his throat, seeming to choose his response carefully. “I can’t lie. I do hope you’ll trust me enough someday to confide in me. But it’s not a deal-breaker. I do wish you would talk to your counselor though. If you don’t feel comfortable with the one you’re seeing or you’re worried about the fact that she’s responsible for when you go back to work, then let’s find another one.”
She shook her head. “I don’t want to talk about it. I had counseling years ago, Bracken. I just want to forget. And I was doing so well for a long time until…”
He slid his hand to the back of her neck and played with her hair. “I get that something from that day three weeks ago triggered you. It makes sense. You’re not alone. People can be triggered for many years, even for the rest of their lives. Maybe the counselor you had before wasn’t right. Or maybe you need a refresher. I can’t say for sure, but I don’t want to see you hurting, baby.”
She looked away, turning her face so that she didn’t have to gaze at his intense stare. He understood so well without knowing anything. But she still had no interest in talking about it. Not again. Not ever. She didn’t even like to think about it.
“It’s not something you have to decide today, Rebekah. Or tomorrow. Just think about it. We can find a different counselor. One who specializes in PTSD. One who isn’t affiliated with the airline and doesn’t have the ability to sideline you.”
She jerked her gaze back to his. “Dealing with some past trauma is the least of my concerns right now. I’m going to lose my job, and I don’t have the foggiest idea what I’m going to do next. I don’t even care what my current counselor knows or doesn’t know. I don’t care if she releases me in three weeks or not. It doesn’t matter. I can’t go back.” She stiffened, turning onto her side so that she faced away from him and could pull her knees up.
He stroked her hair. “Okay, let’s assume that’s true.