hadn’t said it out loud yet. Not to Jane. Not to her boss. And not to any of her friends and coworkers.
“What do you think wakes you up? Do you have a reoccurring nightmare?”
That was an understatement. “I guess.” Bex was intelligent enough to realize that her nightmare had very little to do with that particular day three weeks ago. Unfortunately, something about watching Christa taken hostage by a madman had triggered old memories. Nope, the night terrors that yanked Bex out of sleep were not caused by visions of Christa being held against her will. They were far worse than that.
“Can you remember anything when you wake up?”
Bex shrugged. “Not really. More like a feeling of not being able to breathe. I think that’s why I gasp.” This was all true. She jerked awake most nights sucking in air as if someone were choking her. In her nightmare, someone was choking her.
“Again, it’s not unusual, Bex. You watched that man haul your friend off the plane with an arm around her neck. You probably worried she wouldn’t be able to breathe.”
Bex nodded. Sure. If Jane could rationalize it, why not let her?
“What have you been doing in your free time while you’re not working?” Jane asked.
Bex was surprised to find herself smiling. “Dating actually. I met someone. I mean, we sort of knew each other through mutual friends, but he asked me out.”
Jane smiled. “That’s good. And he knows what happened to you?”
Bex nodded. “He was there. He was one of the men who helped end the standoff.”
“Ah, I see. So, he’s understanding of your situation.”
“Yes. Very.”
“Good. Does he know you’re not sleeping? Have you been with him when you had one of these episodes?”
Bex shook her head. “God, no. I haven’t slept with him. I wouldn’t want him to have to deal with that.”
Jane frowned. “You don’t think he would be sympathetic?”
“It’s not that. He’s very kind and understanding. I just don’t want to talk about it. The relationship is new. I don’t want to rock that boat.”
“It’s a part of you though. One that’s not likely to go away abruptly. I’d like to work through it so that the night terrors become less frequent over time so you can get more sleep, but it’s not going to happen all at once.”
“Yeah. I’m sure I’ll have to explain it to him eventually, but I’m not ready yet. He’s retired from the Army. Special forces in fact. I’m sure he’s dealt with hundreds of situations far worse than my wussy involvement with one human trafficker on US soil.”
“True. But remember, he was trained to manage this type of thing. You were not. And we all process grief and trauma in our own ways. If he can’t be supportive of your reactions, he’s not worth it anyway. I think you should consider talking to him about it. I think you’d feel better.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Good. Now tell me what else you’ve been doing.”
Bex went on to talk about her baking which had become a daily thing. She got up most mornings, planned what she wanted to concoct, went to the store to get the ingredients, and then spent hours in the kitchen making all kinds of pastries, cakes, and cookies.
This part of her life brought her joy. It made everyone around her happy too. Her friends always took a plate of confections home to their men, and Bracken raved about her every time she gave him a new batch of desserts.
She’d seen him nearly every night this week. He usually worked mornings and then came by her condo in the afternoons to either hang with her or take her out.
Meanwhile, she’d spent her mornings baking, so by the time he arrived, the condo smelled amazing, and he could try her wares. It was impossible to know if he truly loved her baking or if he was being polite, but he seemed sincere, and considering the fact that he too enjoyed baking, his opinion meant a lot to her.
Bex was relieved when the session ended. She didn’t have to talk about her feelings with Jane again for seven whole days. She took long deep breaths on the way home, shaking off the stress of another counseling session.
Bracken was going to pick her up at six. She wanted to be dressed and ready on time. He hadn’t told her where they were going yet. That seemed to be a theme with him. He liked to surprise her. She didn’t mind, but getting