held on to it, but I held mine in a firm fist, not relenting. Still, despite our unresolved issues, for a while longer, we remained calm and friendly for Molly’s sake. We’d had our first argument, and as far as I was concerned it would be our last. What an idiot I’d been. How had I so casually—and so suddenly—let this man into our lives? And gone to bed with him? So soon? And introduced him to Molly? What had I been thinking? I glanced across the table, avoiding Nick’s eyes, glimpsing his strong jawline, his shoulders, his meaty hands. My body reacted, even now. Obviously, I hadn’t been thinking; that was the problem.
Well, no real harm was done. Molly hadn’t invested emotionally yet, and although my feelings were bruised, I’d survive. I’d been stupid, but I’d learned some important facts: Even with his evasions, I knew that the bag with the body was real. And I knew that I was needier than I’d realized. That I had to be on guard and not fall so easily for a man like Nick Stiles.
That morning, sitting across from him, I marveled at how relaxed he seemed, how easily he played word games with Molly.
I couldn’t help thinking about the woman who’d shot him. Had he been dishonest with her, too? Had she agonized over his deceit? Had it been merely omissions or actual lies? I pictured her, unsteadily aiming her gun at Nick, and I imagined him diving, struggling for the gun, getting shot in the face, and, in a bloody rage, grabbing the weapon and shooting her dead. Stop it, I told myself. That was absurd. Just because he’d hidden some facts about the nanny case didn’t mean he’d lied about his wife’s death. He hadn’t killed her; she’d shot herself. Her death had been by her own hand. Hadn’t it? If I asked him about it, all these years later, he’d certainly tell me the truth. Wouldn’t he?
TWENTY-TWO
ASIFONCUE, SUSAN CALLED SECONDS LATER, JUST AS I WAS getting into the shower. “I gotta be quick,” she blurted. “We’re late for piano lessons. Here’s the deal: Leslie and I made preliminary plans for organizing the moms. We all have crazy schedules, so we’re meeting Thursday during gym. Leslie is bringing about fifty whistles to distribute to nannies. Heather’s got colored string—we’re going to make necklaces to hang the whistles on. We’ve got oodles of ideas. Anyhow, you know the routine: I call you; you call Karen; she calls Gretchen, and so on down the phone chain just like for snow days.” “Great. You did good.”
Her breathing slowed. “Okay. What’s wrong?”
Dammit, I couldn’t hide anything from her.
“Zoe, I don’t have time to pull it out of you. What happened?”
“It’s not important. The whistle necklaces are a great idea.”
“I’ll worry until I know.”
“It’s no big deal. Just that Stiles came over last night.”
“About the case?”
“No. It was a social call.”
“Really?” She was quiet for a minute, chewing on that. I could hear her mind whirring. “And?”
Good question, I thought. “And it got complicated. It went south.”
“So fast? What the hell happened?”
“We don’t share priorities. We have different values—” “Zoe, what are you talking about? What does that mean? Who gives a damn about sharing values? Tim and I’ve been married seventeen years, and I don’t have a clue what he ‘values.’ Hell, we don’t agree on anything. We cancel out each other’s votes every election.” I didn’t say anything.
“Why not give it some time? Leave the door open for a while?”
My sheets were still rumpled. My face was sore from whisker burn. “I don’t think so, no. Look, he lied about finding the bag of body parts. He denied to my face that it even exists. And he lied to you about the finger. Susan, the man lies.”
“So? He might have reasons.”
“You’re saying that lying’s okay if you have reasons?”
“I didn’t say lying was okay. It probably isn’t. But I don’t see what the big deal is. People lie. We all do. Haven’t you ever lied? Told someone you loved her runny souffle? Swore you had a great time at a dull party? Faked an orgasm?”
“That’s not the same—”
“Look, we can debate this all day, but the girls are waiting in the car. Remember, Zoe, the truth isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. We all need a good lie now and then.”
“So. Do you lie?”
“I’m a lawyer.”
“Okay. Do you lie to me?”
“I might bend the truth now and then. Depends on about