eyes reopened, and I believe I had taken the one open route that wasn’t agreeing with you.”
“Nothing personal. Nothing agrees with me when Derek pulls this shit. I hate him, Jim.”
“Is Addison safe with his parents?” he asked.
“Yes,” I answered. “I would’ve put her on my lap and asked you to floor it out of there if I wasn’t sure of that. She loves them, and she’s also the light of their lives. When Derek is high, he never sees her anyway. They protect her from him when he’s like that.”
“Then why bring her to him if he doesn’t plan on being with his own daughter? It seems as though you both are working things out outside of the courts. I don’t understand.”
I stiffened and pulled away from him, “You may never understand why, and I might never be able to explain to you why. All I can say is that I can’t have the courts fuck me over because of him and put my daughter in the system.”
“I assure you that the court would see his records, and see that you are a fit mom to care for her,” he said. “I can’t in any way see the courts putting Addison in the system like you fear.”
“I grew up in the system,” I said, knowing he should know about this part of my life too. “With my past as a runaway and a problem child—I feel like I’m getting paid back for all of it. All of the memories of that scare me to death that the courts could possibly rule to take Addy from me and Derek. My past, his current fucked up life—all of it.”
“Don’t tell me that you’re afraid to fight for your daughter.”
“It’s not like that. I love Derek’s family. Her grandparents. They’re really good people, and they took me in as their own. They stood by my side and still do when Derek pulls this shit. Sometimes I wonder if it’s fucked up to keep this going, though, but Addy loves her papa like she should love her dad, and I can’t just remove him from her life.” I ran my hands through my hair. “I know it sounds so enabling and fucked up, but I’m doing my best. I really am.” I felt my voice crack.
“Drug addicts seem to destroy everyone and everything around them while they’re intent on killing themselves. It’s the most selfish thing in the entire world. My mother did this same shit to my family. My dad, I’m sure, was as torn and distraught as you are currently. No grandparents, as you mentioned, to help my dad or for us to attach to, though.”
“It may not make sense to hear it, but we keep Derek’s bullshit away from Addy. She just knows her dad sleeps a lot, but fuck, what if the courts ruled that she couldn’t see her grandparents anymore because Derek lives with them?”
“I understand you not wanting to upset Addison. Maybe it’s not for me to say, but I sensed that she wasn’t happy to see Derek. I also did witness her mood instantly shift from wanting to stay with you and me when she saw her grandfather. She was as thrilled to see him as she’s acted when she’s seen me come out of nowhere.” He laughed.
“She’s definitely taken to you,” I said. “Can you see why, if we try this out—you and me—and it doesn’t work, it can mess her up too? You have to be certain I’m worth it. It’s not just me, it’s Addison too—and the bullshit of my ex acting like he did tonight.”
“I understand all of it. What I don’t understand, I’m willing to learn and be here to help you in any way I can. Trust me, my brother—who is very interested in meeting you—has already threatened to kick my ass if I fuck this up with you and Addy.”
“He thinks you’ll fuck it up?” I chuckled. “Nah, I’m sure it will happen from my side of the fence.”
“Remember that conversation you heard part of in England before you left me that morning?”
“The conversation I eavesdropped on and walked out on you for—even though you’d done nothing wrong at the time?”
“I disagree. While trying to figure out my feelings about relationships, I lead you on, and I saw the hurt in your eyes. Avery, if I were still confused about being able to commit to a relationship, I wouldn’t do it. If you truly allow me in, I’m not