committing myself to an institution right now were two reasonable choices. The choice was simple.
I laughed.
Not because it was funny, but because I was talking to a woman holding her own head and telling me she was a lady of the evening. The absurdity was overwhelming.
Birdie flipped me off.
All was normal in my abnormal world.
“Yausssss,” Birdie hissed, zipping up and down the hallway while holding her head and cackling like a loon. “Hoooooooookaaah.”
“Mmkay. I suppose I shouldn’t be all that surprised,” I said. “Is there a reason I need to know this right now?”
“Yausssss, hoooooooookaaah dieeah foooor yooouah.”
Her statement was alarming and confusing. I didn’t know her when she was alive. “You died for me?”
“Naawwwooo,” she bellowed with her overactive middle finger aimed at me.
Heaving out a sigh of relief, I waited for more. Another few minutes with Birdie kept me from having to relive Steve’s death with an audience. “I’m not following what you mean,” I told her.
“Dieeah foooor yooouah, hoooooooookaaah.”
“I think she’s telling you she’ll die for you,” Gideon whispered.
“I think you’re right,” I replied, wondering why in the heck she would offer such a magnanimous gesture when all she ever did was flip me off. “Birdie, that’s very sweet of you. However, you’re already dead. Plus, I would never ask you to die for me. I’m not that kind of girl. But I am asking you to go downstairs. We can continue this conversation later… or never.”
“Hoooooooookaaah duuumb duuumb,” she announced.
“Pretty sure she just called you stupid,” Candy said, seating herself on the hallway bench and getting comfortable. “Whatcha gonna do about that smack talk, Daisy the Death Counselor?”
“Absolutely nothing,” I replied, closing my eyes and realizing the day would come when I would have to dive into Birdie’s mind. It was going to be terrifying. Thankfully, today was not that day.
“Hoooooooookaaah duuumb duuumb assssssssssah,” Birdie announced.
“She called you a dumb-ass,” Tim pointed out unhelpfully.
“Yep. Heard that,” I told him. I grabbed Birdie’s foot as she whipped by and pulled her out of the air. “It’s kind of hard to converse with a headless hooker,” I chastised her. “You have a shitty mouth on you and you’re rude.”
She laughed.
Rolling my eyes, I pulled a tube of superglue from my pocket and dangled it in front of her. “This glue has your name on it if you haul your nasty butt downstairs immediately. You feel me? And if you don’t, you’re going to be headless for a long, long, long time.”
“Looooogah?” Birdie asked.
“Long,” I confirmed. “I’d also like to point out that it would be far easier to flip me off if you didn’t have to carry your head.”
“Yausssss, hoooooooookaaah,” she replied, handing me her head.
“Umm, nope,” I said, handing it back to her. “I have to help Steve right now. I promise I’ll help you soon.”
Birdie hung her head in shame. “Ssssoooorrry, Daaaauusayy,” she said. “Ssssoooorrry.”
“Birdie, it’s okay,” I said, gently touching her shoulder. I would have normally touched her cheek, but since she was holding her head, that seemed a little odd. “I’m not mad. I think it’s beautiful that all of you want to protect Steve and me. It’s the same way I feel about you even though you don’t make it easy.”
“Daaaauusayy taaaaawlk hoooooooookaaah?” she asked.
I nodded and smiled. “Yes. We’ll talk soon. You have my word.”
“And her word is way better than John Travolta’s,” Tim pointed out as Clarence shot him an irate glare.
“We should get started,” Heather said quietly.
Again, I nodded. “Birdie, go now.”
“Saaaaafeh,” she insisted as she floated away.
I smiled and waved. Being safe wasn’t an option. Very little I did anymore could be considered safe.
Living on the edge was my new modus operandi, and I was about to test my limits.
“Are you ready?” Gideon asked, taking my hand in his.
“I am.”
My statement was strong. It wasn’t a lie. However, my insides were churning.
“Do you want a moment alone with Steve before we join you?” Heather asked.
I nodded gratefully. “I would. Thank you.”
“Always, Daisy,” Heather said. “Let us know when you want us to come in.”
Again, I nodded.
What I wanted to do was cry, but that wasn’t an option. Thankfully my lady balls had increased in size lately. I was going to need them.
Chapter Three
“Hey, you,” I said, carefully sitting on the edge of the bed next to Steve and tucking the covers around what was left of him.
My old farmhouse was lovely. And the master bedroom was cozy and inviting just like the rest of the house. I’d done all