night, to Elijah’s tender words, to the way he had made love to her, to the promises he had sealed with his words and with his actions. Although… he had never said anything about what the future would hold — for him, or for the two of them.
“He just… he wouldn’t lie about it,” she said, but the words and the excuses were flimsy, even to her ears.
“Oh, Joanna, you poor thing,” he said, and Joanna wished she could reach out and smack that look of pity off of his face. “You believed the best in him. But Elijah is Elijah, and he will never change.”
“He did,” she insisted, shaking her head, still unable to believe Alex’s words, despite the drips of doubt that began to invade, “he did change. The war changed him.”
“One can never truly, completely change,” Alex argued. “I’m sorry, Joanna, but look at the facts. Where is he now? You would think that after a night together, he would be here awaiting you, but instead you find me at your breakfast table. He left — went home. Didn’t want to have to face you, wasn’t man enough to tell you that none of it meant anything.”
But it had meant something. It had meant everything.
She closed her eyes, trying to keep the tears from falling as she fought for breath, despite inhaling deeply unable, it seemed, to get enough.
“Why are you still here?” she finally managed, proud of herself for keeping the tears at bay.
“I hadn’t finished my breakfast, so I told him that I would wait for you and tell you that he had pressing matters that took him away. But I decided that you deserved to know the truth.”
“Well… thank you,” she said, although she didn’t mean anything of the sort. Every inch of her had gone numb. Everything she had imagined, all that she had envisioned for the two of them vanished in but moments.
For as much as she hated to admit it, there was one glaringly obvious fact that she couldn’t ignore. If Elijah cared anything for her, he never would have left.
“I… I have to go,” she said, pushing back and away from the table abruptly, the tea left half-finished in front of her, but she didn’t think she could manage another sip.
“How are you going to get back to Briercrest?” he asked, and she just shook her head, unable to even consider it. She just needed to get out, away from here, away from the place where she had thought her life was beginning but where, in fact, it was all being taken away.
“I’ll escort you home.”
“No!” she practically shouted before calming herself. “No thank you. I would like to be alone.”
“I’ll hire a driver to escort you home,” he said, much more kind than Alex had ever been before. Why was he doing this for her? Did he feel guilty for his brother’s actions? “You can take my horse.”
Joanna had no idea what he would need the sleigh for, but she supposed she wasn’t in any position to question it or to argue.
“Fine, thank you,” she managed instead.
Joanna wanted nothing more than to say no, to get away from the entire family — except Caroline, but she was well away from here — but she didn’t have much choice. She still had belongings back at Briercrest, for she had only packed for one night away.
She would return, collect her things, and then take the next stagecoach for London. It was all she could do.
For she had been well and truly tricked, and she was the greater fool for having allowed it all to happen.
She should have known better.
She had known better, but she had allowed her heart to overcome what her mind already knew.
And she would never allow it to do so again.
Chapter 20
Elijah had felt relief many times before — at the end of a battle, when he determined that his friends were still alive, when he found himself in one piece.
But he had never felt relief quite like this.
For now he was returning not to a lonely tent where everyone was melancholy and morose — a circumstance not much better than the battle itself.
He wasn’t even returning home, but that didn’t matter. For it wasn’t that he was returning somewhere, but rather to someone.
He closed his eyes, able to picture each moment of his night with Joanna as vividly as it had occurred, which was both a miracle and a mercy. He could hardly wait to do it