in case the child didn’t survive. Was that what he was doing by not calling Billy by his name—subconsciously preparing himself for the worst?
Darcy didn’t want to be morbid—it wasn’t his nature. But Holly’s death had shaken his belief that nothing truly terrible would ever happen to him, or anyone he loved. The belief wasn’t logical, but it was how most people lived, by trusting they would survive.
Billy gazed at him, vulnerable and yet so trusting. He couldn’t protect himself, and his mother was temporarily out of action. He was relying on Darcy. It was a huge responsibility, one Darcy had never really taken up with Holly. Suddenly he realized how important parents were to their children. How important Emma had been for Holly, doing everything for her, making sure she survived and thrived.
“Billy. Hi, there. It’s me...” He swallowed. “Daddy.”
Miraculously, the baby stopped squirming, looked at him and smiled. Darcy stilled, and for a moment he simply held his son’s gaze. Then Billy kicked his legs. Darcy cleared his throat. “Don’t get too used to this, buddy. Me taking care of you is only temporary. Now hold still. I’m going to change your diaper.”
Step one, remove the sleeper. He undid the snaps and pulled the baby’s legs out, then his arms and set the clothing aside. Step two, remove the diaper. Darcy held his breath and peeled back the tabs. Okay, this was a full load. “Bear with me, Billy. I know I changed you once, but that doesn’t make me an expert.”
He hadn’t realized until Billy had come to live with him, and Emma wasn’t taking care of him, exactly how absent he’d been for Holly. After she’d rolled off the change table he’d been extra nervous around her. Emma had never again asked him to do a thing for Holly. Even though Holly hadn’t been injured, Emma had quietly and competently done it all herself.
She hadn’t trusted him. The conclusion was inescapable. He hadn’t realized until now how angry and useless that had made him feel. Not that he’d expressed that anger or tried to assert himself. He didn’t trust himself with a baby, either. Emma was a nurse, after all. She knew better than he did about these things.
Well, he was learning now. And she didn’t have any choice but to trust him.
Step three, clean the critter off. Darcy grabbed a dozen or so wet wipes and swabbed the decks. He eyed the nether regions for signs he’d missed anything. Nope, that should be good enough for now. Later he would give him a bath. That, he was an expert on.
Billy smiled and made a gurgling noise. With only his undershirt on, his bottom was bare. He kicked his feet in the air. Darcy couldn’t help but laugh. “You like that fresh air and freedom, don’t you, kid? Does it feel good getting those wet pants off?”
He glanced around. Sienna was still in the next room with Emma. No one was about. He leaned over and blew a raspberry on Billy’s stomach. It made a big fat farting noise, the kind that appealed to guys like him and Billy.
Billy kicked harder. He laughed out loud. Darcy blew another raspberry on his tummy. There was no doubt he was enjoying playtime as much as Darcy. “You want another one? Do you, Billy? Here we go. I’m coming to get you....” He brought his face closer. “One.” Closer... “Two.” And closer... “Three—”
A spray of pee hit him in the cheek. “What the— Ew!” Billy giggled merrily, spraying Darcy, the bedspread and the wall. “Think you’re pretty smart, don’t you?” Darcy blindly reached for a towel or a fresh diaper.
A towel was thrust into his hand. “Is this what you’re looking for?” Sienna asked, amused.
“Thanks. Little bugger got me good.” Darcy wiped himself off.
“I’ll finish changing Billy if you want to go clean up.” Sienna moved into his place next to the table. “Then we can talk about Emma.”
“Thanks.” Darcy went next door to the bathroom. He ripped off his shirt and sluiced water over his face and upper body. Talk about Emma. That sounded ominous. How sick was she? What if it was serious? His hands stilled, water dripping from his hair and face. For a fractured moment he didn’t recognize himself. Who would he be without Emma in the world?
Then he shook the water from his eyes, blinked and reached for a dry towel. One minute he had only himself and his pub to worry about. Now