your life a little bit from what it was before, but you don’t want to get back to that anyway.”
“No, I don’t, but I just don’t feel like I have control over anything right now.” My gaze zeroed in on her dropped packages. “Hang on. We’re going to need a solid breakfast for this conversation.”
Chuckling lightly as she got up, she retrieved the ice cream, stashed the tubs we weren’t going to have right now in my freezer, and took the spoon I held out to her. “It’s the breakfast of champions, but only if we have some fresh coffee with it.”
We spent a few minutes getting ourselves organized before heading back to the couch and settling in for the heavy part of the day. Hopefully once it was done, we’d get to watch horror movies and stuff our faces with pizza.
“I can see I’ve been going about this all wrong,” Ember said once we were seated. “This Jaxon didn’t just feel like a holiday fling to you, did he?”
“Nope.” I ground my teeth at the mention of his name out loud. “I know it sounds really stupid, and I know thousands of people make out with other tourists in tropical destinations all the time, but it just didn’t feel like that to me.”
“That’s why you asked me to be gentle?” she said quietly. “You don’t want to hear me talking about it like I have been.”
I made a noncommittal sound. “I know what you’ve been saying is true. Don’t get me wrong. It just hurts to hear it.”
“I’m sorry.” She gave me another quick hug. “I really didn’t understand until I saw you last night.”
“It’s not your fault.” I squeezed her back. “I’m the one who ran headfirst into a brick wall of muscles, tattoos, and guaranteed heartbreak and still went for it.”
“If it makes any difference at all, I’m proud of you for going for it. I know it might not feel like it right now, but you’re going to look back at this experience one day and be happy about it. You’ve learned from this, and that’s why you’re going to look back at it fondly.”
I laughed as we separated, but the sound was humorless and sad. “It’s going to take some time for me to get there.”
“It will, but you’ll get there eventually.”
“What if I don’t want to?” I asked, revealing the actual crux of my innermost problem. “Jaxon made me feel things I’ve never felt before. Tingles, butterflies, that crazy need for someone that makes you feel like you’re going to explode if they don’t just take you right now. What if I don’t want to look back at it fondly because I don’t want to let it go at all?”
“If you want tingles and butterflies, then that’s what you’ll have. Just maybe not with him.”
“That’s the problem, though. I’ve only ever felt it with him. I know you don’t believe in love at first sight, and frankly, neither do I. But the chemistry between us was insane. It felt like a once-in-a-lifetime, forged-by-the-universe kind of connection.”
“Forged by the universe?” she repeatedly slowly. “Girl, who have you been speaking to? Because none of that sounds like you.”
I told her about Big Mac and his observations about our relationship. “I couldn’t disagree with him. Everything he said felt spot on.”
Her gaze held mine, and once she’d worked through the confusion of hearing me spouting off about the universe, she smiled. “Then you’re lucky to have had it at all.”
I nearly fell off the couch. “Now who’s the one sounding like she’s been body snatched?”
“No, it’s not like that. It just kind of proves my point that your trip, and even the way it ended, is nothing to be sad about.” Her hand shot out to grip my shoulder. “You got to parasail, Linds. You swam with sharks and had sex with an amazing guy. You got to experience the kind of connection other people can only dream about. That’s one hell of a fucking trip. You can’t possibly be sad about that.”
“Maybe not, but I can still miss the guy who made it possible.” My voice was too small for my liking, and Ember sniffed in response.
“Jaxon didn’t make it possible. He was simply along for the ride. You, my friend, are the one who made it possible. You’re the one who went to Fiji instead of hiding away at home, you’re the one who grabbed all those opportunities with both hands, and you’re the one