the entire time we were apart, that I only numbed my heart but never turned it off. When I was out at restaurants and bars, the offers poured in. I flirted with a handsome guy in a suit who I met at the coffee shop, but when he gave me his number, I threw it away. There was only one man I wanted to be with, even though I wouldn’t admit it to myself.
He continued to stare at me, like he had no idea what to say. “I only did it because I thought I couldn’t get you back…and I thought it would help me move on. But it only made me feel worse, because every time I was with you, I knew it was what I really wanted. Clint rented out this strip club, and money was flying in the air, naked women were crawling all over us and the floor, and he turned to me and said we had the best lives… And it hit me so hard. That was the kind of man I used to be, an obnoxious playboy who has so much money that he throws it at strippers on a drunken night. But all I really wanted was to have a quiet night with you. I wanted to watch the game with your friends. I wanted to have a deep and meaningful relationship with one woman…and get out of that strip club as quickly as possible. Knowing I’d ruined it, that I’d let the past sabotage the greatest thing that ever happened to me, just made me drink more.” He looked away, like the memory of that emptiness was too much to think about.
“It’s okay…”
He turned back to me, the pain still in his eyes.
My hand moved to his chest, sliding over the hard surface until I could feel the racing beat of his heart.
He stared at me for a while before his fingers slid into my hair again. Then he pulled me closer, bringing my face to his so he could rest his forehead against mine. He didn’t kiss me, just held me there, like all he wanted was our closeness. His fingers stroked under the fall of my hair, feeling my neck.
My palm glided farther over his chest and to his shoulder until my arm hooked around his neck. I came closer to him then rested my head on his shoulder, my skirt riding up as I curled my legs behind me on the couch.
His arm wrapped tighter around me, and he rested his lips against my forehead, holding me close like he wouldn’t let me go. His skin was hot to my cheek, and he smelled like pure man. It was like getting in bed after a long day, despite his hardness. It was home, going back to your childhood house for the holidays. “You’re the only man I want…”
Fourteen
Dax
I didn’t care how slow she wanted to go.
I didn’t care if she was the one behind the wheel or I was in the cockpit.
I just wanted to be on the journey—wherever we went.
Once I had her on the couch, everything felt good. My heart finally relaxed now that she was mine. I didn’t have to settle for being her friend when I wanted to be the man in her bed every night. I wanted her to be the woman in mine. The last six weeks had been unbearable because being her friend only made me realize what I’d truly lost.
I didn’t have that problem anymore.
Our relationship had been built on sex, meaningless, no-strings-attached kind of sex. It was fun at the time until I actually started to care for her. The dirty pictures she sent me were still on my phone, but I decided to delete them because it felt like a completely different woman to me now.
I wanted more than that.
She was welcome to send me more and I would cherish them, but the past…I wanted nothing to do with that.
We were different people now.
I wasn’t sure if we would sleep together anytime soon, but I got tested to make sure I was clean when the moment did arrive. Since she hadn’t been with anyone, I didn’t need to see her papers if she had them.
I went to work like usual then went home. Instead of blowing up her phone, I tried to behave the way I had before…when we were friends. She asked to take it slow, and I wasn’t entirely sure what that entailed, so I chose to