a free dessert offered by the restaurant.
Then Carson started to sing. “Happy Birthday to you…” The guys joined in.
I smiled as I watched the waitress set the lit cake in front of me. It was embarrassing, to have people sing to me on my thirty-first birthday, but I smiled as I watched Carson as her eyes lit up in excitement because it made her feel good to do something for me.
“Happy birthday to you…” She had a nice voice, could probably be a singer if she wanted to. Then she clapped quickly, with the guys.
“I thought you said you weren’t going to pull any stunts.”
She shrugged. “Guess I changed my mind. Now, make a wish.”
There were two candles on the cake, a three and a one. I stared at her for another moment before I took a deep breath and blew out the candles. Her request suddenly made me feel empty again, because the one thing I wanted was inaccessible to me. There was really not a single thing in the world I wanted more. Nothing.
The waitress took back the cake to slice it in the kitchen.
But my eyes remained on Carson’s face, my heart suddenly aching in a way it never had before. This dinner was so casual, and I hadn’t even known the three of them for long, but it felt like they’d always been in my life. It was crazy to me that I met this woman in a bar, by chance, and now she was so important to me.
I couldn’t think clearly anymore. Rational thought was gone. I spoke my mind and didn’t think twice about it. “Take me back.”
She immediately stilled at my words, the excitement fading from her eyes.
Charlie flinched at what I’d said before his eyes darted to Carson’s face to see her reaction.
Matt glanced back and forth between us.
I didn’t care that they were there. I didn’t care about anything anymore. I’d spent the night with two women who somehow made me feel alone…and there were three of us. I lived for the chance to see Carson, fell harder for her after every intimate conversation we had. I didn’t want to go back to a strip club. I didn’t want another one-night stand. There was only one woman I wanted to be with.
“I will never lie to you again, Carson. I promise.”
She breathed hard as her eyes filled with emotional gentleness.
“I…I don’t want to be friends. I want you, all of you, because we’re great together.”
Charlie and Matt were both boxed into the booth and they couldn’t slip away, so they had to sit there and try to act like they didn’t exist.
“Please,” I whispered. “I don’t want to be with anyone else.”
She held her silence, her eyes slowly dropping.
“Sweetheart, come on…”
She kept her eyes down, holding her silence for minutes.
The tension was killing me. What the hell was she thinking? Did she really put this dinner together because she wanted to be friends?
“I’m sorry…” That was her only statement, no further explanation.
It was like being stabbed right in the fucking throat. I couldn’t breathe.
Charlie gave her a subtle nudge in the side.
But she didn’t change her answer. “I just want to be friends.”
It was a million times more painful than the first time we broke up. My feelings for her had only become stronger, had evolved into something much deeper. It was torture to be around her and not touch her, not kiss her, not hold her. We hadn’t really had a chance to be together, and it was a fucking travesty that we never would. “Well…I can’t be friends with you.” It hurt me to say it, to lose her altogether, but there was no other option.
Her eyes filled with pain, like I’d really hurt her.
“I just…can’t.” I sank back into the booth, breathing hard because this was worse than my divorce. It was the most emotional day of my life since my father passed away. “Every time I’m around you, I just fall for you harder. I can’t be with other women because it makes me miserable that I’m not with you.” It took all my strength to rise out of that booth and prepare to walk away forever, to never see her face again, hear her voice. But I had to do what was best for me because my heart couldn’t take any more of her punches. I started to walk away, my eyes down so I wouldn’t have to look at her again. “Thank you for the