throb, and I realize that the strap of my purse has twisted around them so tightly that they’re turning white. I release it with a shake and all the blood rushes back in so fast it hurts.
“Your brother went to Lucy’s shows?” Zach’s voice is so soft I have to lean toward him to hear. He’s talking like he’s trying to calm a scared, angry animal.
I nod. “Yeah. I don’t know why I said that. Irrelevant, right?” I bark a laugh, pretend this topic doesn’t shake me to my core. Pretend I couldn’t care less. “Whatever. Want to go get a drink?”
Zach hesitates like he wants to say something else, but apparently he isn’t as dumb as most people, because instead he just nods in agreement.
Once we move into the main area, I actually pay attention to the band onstage for the first time. Thankfully, it’s not Lucy’s new band, because they are really, truly terrible.
“Who the fuck is this?” I yell back at Zach.
“No clue.” His lips brush my ear. They’re warm. Soft. “They suck.”
I allow him a tiny smile. My first tonight.
He grins back like I awarded him the Nobel Peace Prize. Totally the opposite of smooth. The kid could use a lesson in controlling his emotions.
I spot Chim across the room near the bar, waving madly in my direction.
“Uhh…do you know that girl over there?” Zach points to Chim, who, to be fair, does look completely bonkers right now. She has that Ilana from Broad City thing going on—all frenzied smiles and boingy hair. She tends to get like this at Lucy’s shows. Last year, she got so excited at one that she legit puked into her water glass in the middle of a coffee shop. It was super funky and not at all cool.
“Yeah, unfortunately, I do,” I yell back, and then wince. I really need to stop being such a jerk about Chim, but sometimes it’s hard. We used to be close, before. We were partners in crime, and Lucy and Jordan were the ones grumbling at us to get our shit together. Now there are times when I can barely stand the sight of her, when her mere presence feels like a heavy weight on my head that won’t go away. She’s like a walking, talking reminder of everything I used to be.
When we get to her, Chim throws her arms around me, feeding my guilt. “May! Aren’t you so excited to see Lucy play? You haven’t been to one of her shows in so long.” She pauses. “Not that I don’t get why, because of course I get why.” Her cheeks turn bright red. “No, I mean, it’s so good to see you out. That’s what I meant to say.”
Before she can ramble on even more, which I know she will, Zach interrupts. Thank god.
“Hey.” He steps around me. “You’re May’s friend?”
Chim’s eyes light up at the sight of him. She’s a serious equal-opportunity crusher. “I am…and Lucy’s, too. Who are you?” She glances at me like What are you doing with a strange cute boy I’ve never met? which is annoying but also makes sense since I don’t think I’ve made a new friend in years. Not that Zach’s a friend.
Now Zach’s cheeks light up. “Hey. Zach. I think I’ve seen you around school. I’m here because Conor…? The singer? Is my best friend?” He says this like it’s a question rather than a statement.
“Ooooh, cool. I heard he’s awesome.”
Zach shrugs. “He’s decent, yeah.”
Chim lays her hand on Zach’s arm. His upper arm is defined and boyish and not at all like mine or Lucy’s or Chim’s. A knot plants itself in my throat even though it’s stupid. I don’t care about this guy. Chim can have him. They can run away together and get married and have stupid cute little babies….
“May.” Chim’s waving her hand in front of my face. “Did you hear me?”
“Huh?”
“What do you want to drink?” She gestures to the bar.
“Oh. Right. Just ginger ale or whatever. Thanks.”
Chim