no matter how hard I wish it. People like Matt aren’t going to let that happen.
I take another step forward. My chest is inches from his, and I’m sure he can hear my heart pounding. I’m sure that if I looked down right now, I’d see my cotton T-shirt pulsing in rhythm with its beats. I’m sure I’m about to change my life with whatever happens in the next five seconds….I’m so sure…and I’m ready for it….I am. I’m ready for it.
And right as I’m about to do something—granted, I don’t know what, but I know it’s going to be big—the door swings open once again.
I open the door to the room where the band’s prepping, and the first thing I see is Zach and some kid in each other’s faces. The second is how tiny the room is. I stop short, and Lucy slams into my back.
“Ow!” she cries. Her drum rattles to the ground. I turn and see her rubbing her arm. She glares at me. “What the hell? I need these arms tonight.”
“Can you go in first, please?”
She scowls at me but doesn’t argue; she knows better than to try. We trade spots and she lugs her drum into the room. I linger on the outside edge of the doorway.
“What’s happening, kids?” I know Lucy can tell something’s off in the room, since Zach and the other guy are standing chest to chest like a couple of douche bros, but she ignores them. She’s good at this—defusing. I think she learned it from dealing with her dad’s drinking when we were younger. She’s done it with me so many times I’ve lost count. She sets the drum on the floor in the middle of the room.
The guy who’s up in Zach’s face turns, and I see it’s the band’s guitarist. Another girl, who I recognize from Lucy’s audition the other night, stands against the far wall. She looks like she’s trying to pretend she’s not freaked out by what’s happening in here. I feel for her.
Zach finally glances over at me and his eyes bug out. He slinks away from the other kid. If you tried to cut the awkwardness in the room with a knife, the blade would break.
This night is going splendidly already.
Conor sprints across the room to greet Lucy. “Luce! So great to see you. How are you? Where’s the rest of your drum kit? You need help schleppin’ it?” He’s basically drooling on her. Standard behavior around Lucy, trust me. Her sex appeal knows no bounds. She nods and the two of them take off, leaving me stuck.
I remember that Lucy said that Chim would be here tonight. I open my mouth to mumble a goodbye, because I need to get the hell out of this tiny room, which is starting to give me hives, when my eyes land on Zach. His face is bright red. He looks so out of it and so pathetic that I can’t help but take pity on him.
“Hey.” All three sets of eyes land on me, and the guitarist gives me a little smile that creeps me out. Who the hell is that guy? What I wouldn’t do to wipe that grin clean off his face. Lucy made me swear up and down that I’d be chill tonight, though, and I’m trying to honor my promise. I shake my head at him and sneer. “Not you. You.” I point at Zach.
His eyes light up, and I feel even more like shit for ignoring him all week. Not that he doesn’t deserve it. Or maybe he doesn’t. I don’t know anymore.
Zach points to himself like Who, me? and I nod like Yes, obviously you, dummy, get over here. So he does.
“Want to go see what’s happening out there?” I motion to the main room behind us, where I can hear a band starting to play.
He lets out a deep breath it sounds like he’s been holding for most of the night, and nods.
* * *
—
It’s noisy in the main room. The crowd is getting thicker. The air is pungent,