I’d seen of the lunch, she’d already prepared enough food for us that would have fed three lunchtime customer sittings back at the pub.
I hadn’t met the housekeeper, who obviously had ninja skills because she had snuck in when I was in bed and left again before I woke up. However, she’d obviously been again by the time we’d gotten back from the store, as there was another spread of buffet platters laid out fresh from the oven.
“Right, unless you want Ryan and me to sneak out to a nightclub, you need to liven this up,” Nick said when he’d eaten four plates full of snacks and a family bag of chips.
“Well, it just so happens we have a bartender here, a couple of cocktail shakers and a small arsenal of liquor,” Jamie told them, grinning at me.
“Can you make me a Slow Comfortable Screw, it would appear it’s the only kind I’ll be getting this holiday,” Ryan asked, smirking at himself like it had been a shocking thing to say.
“Sure,” I replied, non-plussed.
“Make mine a Sex On The Beach,” Nick said, joining in.
“Aren’t you too young to be drinking?” I asked, looking at Catrina and Jamie for confirmation about this. “Don’t you have to be twenty-one here in the States?”
“What the fuck are you, the alcohol police?” Ryan asked cockily, chuckling. “My Uncle Jamie’s a rock star, we’re expected to drink.” Jamie snickered, took a sip of his beer, but said nothing.
“If I’m the landlady, it’s my right to refuse to serve you, so if I were you, I’d reel my neck in or the only screw you’ll be acquainting yourself with is the one from the screw top wine bottle.” Nick scoffed, and Paddy winked at me for putting him in his place.
“Make mine Sex With The Bartender,” Jamie said in a seductive tone, wrapping his arms around me from behind and I grinned.
“There’s no such thing,” Ryan piped up.
“Oh, yeah, there is,” Jamie laughed wickedly, “and I’m the smug-looking bastard that gets that twice tonight.” He let go and wandered away, glancing back in my direction. I felt heat rise to my face at the way he looked at me with his suggestive comment.
“Go on then, what is it?” Ryan goaded him.
“Malibu, Baileys Triple Sec, 7UP, Grenadine and Rose’s Lime Juice.”
“Correct,” I agreed, eager to help them get past his previous comment toward me.
“Sounds pretty lame to me. You’ll have a job getting drunk on that,” Nick told him.
“Bernie will have a Leg Spreader,” Paddy told me and turned, smirking at his wife. Bernie laughed and shook her head.
“In that case, Paddy will have a Lick Her Right,” she replied without an ounce of embarrassment.
“Well, then, I’ll have a wet pussy,” I said with a straight face and everyone stopped and stared. “Well, I’ve bared my arse already today, so I may as well go the whole hog.” Everyone erupted in laughter as I began to prepare the drinks.
“Wait, we haven’t heard what Catrina wants,” Paddy said as they all turned to face her. She shrugged, looking a little out of her depth, and I knew immediately she didn’t know what to pick.
“Should I pick for you, Catrina?” I asked, knowing her boys were waiting to hear what she had to say.
“Sure,” she replied, looking sheepishly toward her boys.
“Aw, Mom, I could have picked you something amazing, like, Cougar Bait or, oh, what about Tropical Orgasm, I’m sure you’d love that,” Nick offered, trying to get a rise out of her.
“You know what? I’ve changed my mind,” Catrina snapped, glaring at Nick. “May I have a Dirty Red-Headed Slut?” Paddy roared with laughter and Jamie was mid-swallow drinking a beer and almost choked at his sister’s request. Coughing and spluttering, he wiped his mouth, glanced at Nick, and shook his head in disbelief.
“You’d think after eighteen years, you’d have learned not to embarrass your mother,” Jamie said through a chuckle.
“Embarrass her? She’s the one who keeps leaving her silver bullet on the guest half-bathroom sink for my buddies to find when they’re all over.”
Everyone stopped breathing for a second, and Jamie glanced from Nick to Catrina. He blinked, speechless and I pinched my own arse not to laugh, but when I saw Jamie’s lips twitch, and I knew he was fighting back his laugh, I cracked up. The rest followed suit and Catrina folded her arms and threw another glare toward Nick before she laughed, as well.
The expression on her face told me she owned his disclosure.