eternity before she responded.
“No.” She shook her head. “I don’t think so. I mean, I thought I was in love with Gio, but I think I was more in love with the idea of him. The idea of having a boyfriend. Not actually him. I mean, I obviously didn’t know him. Not the real him.”
There were questions that I had about that time in her life, but I wasn’t sure she’d want to answer them. Or if it was any of my business. If it were anyone else, I would have kept my curiosities to myself. I respected people’s private lives, and never pried. But there was something about Josie that brought out my most impulsive nature.
“How did you end up on a reality show?”
She didn’t answer so I glanced over at her and saw that she was staring at me with a blank expression.
Thinking I must’ve offended her, I apologized, “I’m sorry. It’s none of my business.”
“No, it’s fine. I’ve just blocked a lot of that time out and I was trying to remember…”
“I only asked because you don’t seem like that would be something that you’d…I mean…you don’t seem like a person that…”
Shit. I was just digging myself a deeper and deeper hole. How could I say that she didn’t seem like she would want that sort of fame—
“Would want that sort of attention?” She saved me from burying myself any further.
“Yes.” Exactly.
“It was my grandmother’s idea. She submitted me for the show.”
Yeah, that tracked. I barely knew the woman that Josie was named after, but that sounded exactly like something she would do.
“I didn’t even know anything about it until I started getting texts from friends that saw the cast announced online,” Josie explained.
“Were you upset?” I was used to having a meddling family where personal boundaries were laughable, but that seemed like it was crossing a line.
“I was just…shocked. And at first, I said no. Producers called to arrange travel and I explained that there’d been a mistake. But my grandmother insisted that I needed to get out of my comfort zone. She said that my life needed adventure and that I would regret it forever if I didn’t seize the opportunity. I put my foot down and said that there was no way that I was going to do it, but then she posted on Instagram that I was going to be on the show and the post went viral. She said that she did it for me, to push me in the right direction, and I want to believe that she did.” Her tone was tinted with sadness.
“But you think there was a different motive?”
I could guess what it was just from the small amount of exposure I’d had to the movie star, but I didn’t want to assume or say the wrong thing.
“The show happened before my grandmother had a blog or the podcast and I think my grandmother was feeling a little…forgotten. Having me on TV, gave her something relevant to talk about. It revitalized her career. Especially considering how similar we look and that we share the same name. Her IMDB rating broke the top hundred and her name was trending number one. I guess once that happened, I didn’t really feel like I had a choice.”
“I’m sorry.” I hated thinking of a young Josie feeling obligated to go through with something like that out of a sense of loyalty.
“It’s fine. There are a lot worse things in the world than going on a reality show.”
“My mom always says that other people’s suffering doesn’t negate your own.”
“Yeah, I guess.” She sighed and looked back out the window.
We drove in silence for a few moments, and I was trying to think of what I could say to shift the melancholy mood that I’d created by asking her about her past when she asked, “Did you ever think that you might be in love?”
If right now counted, then yes.
“Or have you never even come close?” she followed up before I responded.
I didn’t want to lie to Josie, but I wasn’t sure how to tell her what I was feeling. Instead of answering directly, I explained, “I think growing up and seeing my parents’ love set a pretty damn high bar for me.”
“I bet,” she agreed. “I never saw that sort of love. My father never married, not that I saw him that much growing up. And my grandmother has been married nine times. So it wasn’t exa—”
“Nine times?!” I didn’t mean to interrupt