had to rush me to the ER.”
Dmitri bit his lip and cleared his throat. “Is that when you knew you had MS?”
“It took a few days to figure it out, but yeah,” Ronan said quietly. “He laid next to me in that shitty hospital bed and told me that he was going to marry me anyway, and that I wasn’t allowed to say no. The moment I had clearance to leave, he took me to the court house, and we stood in front of a judge. I was reeling from the news that my life would never be the same—that all those times I thought I was just tired or overworked were just foreshadowing my body giving up on me.”
Dmitri swallowed thickly. “I’m sorry.”
Ronan waved him off. “Don’t be. Sometimes I hate how MS makes me feel, but loving Parker is the simplest thing I’ve ever done. And so is loving Jonas. The hardest parts of my life have also come with the easiest.”
Dmitri sighed into his cup. “I think I understand that now.”
“When I leave Cherry Creek…”
Dmitri’s eyes shot up. “Wait…what? You’re leaving? I thought you just wanted to retire.”
Ronan’s cheeks went a little pink, and he looked guilty. “It’s not something I ever thought I would do, but Jonas wants to go back to school. He had these big plans before he met us, and Parker wanted more than to be a small town doctor. They’re both here right now for me.”
Dmitri wanted to cry suddenly—and not just because he’d miss Ronan. He wanted to cry for all the changes, even the good ones. He wanted to cry because he had spent a lot of time believing he would never be loved the way Ronan loved his partners, but now he had Raphael, and it seemed too good to be true. He wanted to cry, because he had a lot of ugly scars under his skin, and moments like the one he had with Kyle reopened those wounds.
“I’m sorry,” Ronan said quietly. He wheeled over and came to a stop beside Dmitri’s desk. “I should have found a better way to tell you.”
Dmitri realized he was crying again when he brushed his cheek and found it wet, and he wondered if he was on the verge of a proper melt-down. “It’s not just that. Shit, sorry. I’m a mess.” He scrubbed at his face, then rubbed the edge of his finger under his nose. “I’ll miss you, but I don’t blame you. Where will you go?”
“Washington,” Ronan said, and he smiled in a way Dmitri had never seen before. “Jonas got back in to the University—he’s going to be a pharmacist when he’s done. I know my body’s done with this work. Every flare is that much harder to come back from, and I’m tired of pushing myself to the point of exhaustion.”
“I can do more,” Dmitri said. “If you need me to.”
“I want you to do what you’re doing now. It’s not going to be tomorrow. Jonas won’t start until next fall, so there’s time. I think Mark is going to take over for me until you’re done with your degree, and I can go knowing that this place will be in good hands.”
Dmitri bowed his head. “It’ll be weird without you.”
Ronan chuckled and shrugged. “I’ve never left Cherry Creek. I mean, not really. Not for more than a short vacation. I always kind of thought I’d die here, but seeing the look on Parker and Jonas’ faces when I told them we could go…it was worth it. The fear, the change. It’ll all be worth it.”
Dmitri understood—in a way more profound than he had words for. Staring at his future with Raphael was like staring into the sun—painful and sharp, but beautiful and blinding. It was everything, and he wanted it. He wanted to let it consume him, to destroy him, so he could rebuild himself into someone without weight, without fear. And it was probably impossible, but if he had the chance, it was only because his love for Raphael had made him braver, and stronger, and a little bit more desperate.
Chapter Eighteen
Raphael was at his desk, trying to pretend like life was normal and he wasn’t having an internal panic attack about Dmitri going back to work and school when his phone started buzzing. Jayden was in the back with his first appointment of the day, so he could avoid the salty looks over personal calls on the clock, and he glanced at the