his age. Raphael had been shopping with Lorenzo a handful of times, but dressing in expensive, trendy clothes just made him feel like he was playing pretend in a life that wasn’t his.
Still, maybe this was something he needed to try. At least in this moment, as he went on this unwanted date only because he thought it was going to make Dmitri happy. He pushed himself to the edge of the bed, then eased the jeans around the stiff orthotics. It took more wriggling than normal to get the jeans up to his knees, but he pushed to his feet and did up the zipper and button before sliding into his sweater.
It was long, hanging over his fingers if he didn’t push the sleeves up, and it clung to the curves of him that he wasn’t sure flattered his body. He’d always been thin and knobby in places where most were sculpted and fit. His upper body had always retained most of his strength, but now as he ebbed and flowed through his forties, he was starting to feel it.
“God, you look so hot,” Lorenzo murmured.
Raphael rolled his eyes, but he didn’t fight his friend as he took him by the hips and turned him toward the mirror that hung on the back of the closet door. His reflection wasn’t terrible. He was fairly sure hot was a stretch, but he could see a bit of the Raphael who had escaped his little village and gone tearing about Berlin with a wild, bright woman clinging to his hand.
He wouldn’t have that again—hell, he didn’t want it again. He was tired now, and he felt like he was owed his fatigue after all the years he’d lived. But, sometimes, it was nice when his reflection showed the person he once was. He dragged a hand through his hair and leaned back, letting Lorenzo’s body brace him.
“Will I do?”
Lorenzo leaned over his shoulder and kissed the edge of his jaw softly. “If I hadn’t fallen in love with Wilder, I would have fallen in love with you eventually. And not just because you’re so beautiful.”
Raphael closed his eyes and let the words soothe the sharp edges of anxiety that were clawing at him. If only he could have let himself fall for Lorenzo. Life would have been easy—it would have been simple. He would have loved the hell out of him and been loved right back. But he hadn’t been willing to take that risk, because what they had was too damned important, and frankly, he liked Wilder too much to want to go back in time.
But the thought was nice sometimes.
“He’s going to trip and fall head over heels.”
Raphael scoffed, pushing away from Lorenzo and making his careful way through the bathroom door for his comb. “I don’t want that. I barely know him, and he’s Dmitri’s professor.”
Lorenzo leaned against the door frame and crossed his arms over his chest. “That’s weird, right? For you and him?”
Raphael shrugged, trying not to give anything away because it still stung. It felt like Dmitri was passing him off like an old, decrepit relative that was preventing him from living a full, independent life. If Raphael had someone else to look after him, Dmitri would be free to…what?
Do anything. Whatever he wanted. Get the hell out of Cherry Creek, even.
“Dmitri is the one who pushed for this. And he was nice enough at lunch.”
Lorenzo lifted a brow, but he didn’t challenge Raphael’s statement. When Raphael was done fussing with his hair, Lorenzo stepped forward and used a little bit of the product he’d bought and Raphael refused to touch, finger-combing it through the gentle waves that had set after his shower.
“Maybe falling is inevitable,” Lorenzo said quietly.
At that, Raphael had to grin. “I certainly do it enough.” He laughed when Lorenzo socked him on the arm, then he moved past him again and grabbed his shoes, sitting on the edge of the bed to put them on. The soles were getting worn, which meant another trip down the hill, but that was his lot in life. “Remember the code, yes?”
Lorenzo rolled his eyes as he started to pick up Raphael’s clothes and put them to right. “Yes, yes. A blank text means a rescue call to the restaurant—although Enzo is going to fucking lose his mind if I do that.”
It hadn’t taken much for Raphael to convince the owner of Mangia E Zitto to bump a table for him and his date, but