finally opened his eyes—not that he could see a whole lot in the darkness of the bedroom. “You can’t blame yourself for that. You were hoping it was a phase. Anyone would do that.”
“I’m not so sure.” When Justin reached up, brushing the hair off my cheek with his free hand, I turned my head to face him. “Let me tell you what’s really eating at me. She didn’t start acting like this until last fall—maybe it was a little later, like around Christmas. But I’m thinking this behavior might be, um…she might be reacting to the fact that I’m going to school again and I’m here less, or…”
“Or maybe it’s because I’m around?”
I hoped he couldn’t hear the relief in my voice that he’d come to the same conclusion I had. “I’ve considered that.”
“It’s possible.”
“I know you didn’t know her that well before, but did she seem to change to you at all?”
“Like how?”
“Like…did she seem to act differently? She used to be so lively, cheerful, outgoing. And now she’s introverted, quiet. She hardly ever talks. She doesn’t even look happy, even when she should.”
“I don’t know. I mean, I guess I didn’t know your kids well enough to know what they were like before.” We were quiet for a bit before he said, “Do you think I remind her of her stepdad?”
I didn’t even have to give it a lot of thought. “I doubt it. He was…you guys are really different. He was a big guy, hairy, burly, loud. And she hasn’t been around him much since the divorce. So I don’t think so.”
“I’m a big guy.”
“No, not like that. He was hulking, really broad in the shoulders—and you’re…I’m not making any sense.”
“What did he do for a living?”
“Truck driver—and it wasn’t long before I appreciated when he was on the road. I think that’s when I finally decided I’d had enough, when I saw how happy the kids and I were when he wasn’t around. We were—well, I was more like my old self. But maybe you’re right. Sarah was a lot quieter when he was around. I’d always thought she sensed my emotions, but she must have felt like I did…afraid that anything she might say could push his buttons, so it was safer to not say anything at all.”
“I can be loud sometimes, and I get pretty intense. Maybe I remind her of him when I’m like that.”
“Maybe.” But no. Justin was nothing like my ex.
He rested his hand on my arm. “Maybe I should disappear for a while.”
That was what I feared—but it was what had been in the back of my mind all along. Justin was one of few friends and probably the only one I fully trusted, so I absolutely hated the idea of him not being around.
But Sarah was my obligation and she was far more important than any other relationship I might have. From the moment I learned I was pregnant, her life became more important than my own.
My voice was quiet and sounded choked as I forced the words out. “I’d thought of that—but then I also thought she doesn’t actually see you very often. Could you really have that effect on her when you’re not here much?” Justin was never alone with her, so I wasn’t worried about him doing anything weird. Still…
“Ya never know.”
“I’m going to get her into counseling. That’s what the principal and counselor at the school suggested. Maybe a therapist could help her deal with whatever it is she’s going through.” Suddenly, I was overcome with emotion, and a tear formed in the corner of my eye. “I definitely can’t.”
Justin drew me into his arms and held me close. “Hey. Why don’t we give it a whirl? I can disappear for a while. If it’s me that’s making her this way, maybe she’ll open up when I’m not around.” I nodded, still fighting back tears as he continued. “And if nothing changes, then maybe it’s not me.” I looked up at him and, uncharacteristically, he kissed my nose. Then he bent his neck to the side, stretching. “I’d better go now.”
But I kept my arms wrapped around him. “Not right now. I’m not ready yet.”
He kissed me again, this time with passion and promise, and we made love one last time. Sometime after I finally drifted into a restless sleep, Justin pulled on his clothes and left, closing the door behind him.
Chapter Three
The next morning, I felt utterly exhausted and found it nearly impossible