body, spooning me close.
But that wasn’t going to happen. Something had changed between us. The closeness we’d felt in our drug-induced haze had completely dissipated. You could tell he was dying to get away from me and was just being a gentleman because it was in his nature.
“Look, this is stupid,” I said. “We’re both adults. We can both sleep on the bed. It’s just sleeping.”
He nodded, agreeing without comment, kicking off his shoes and lying down. I went into the bathroom to wash up a bit and when I walked back into the room he was already fast asleep, his breathing slow and heavy.
I tried not to think of the close proximity of his warm, sexy body as I crawled into the bed beside him, resisting the urge to inch closer and seek comfort in his slumbering frame. Sure, it might give me comfort now, to press my body against his, imagining that he was mine, but in the end it would only lead to more heartbreak. Much better to hug a pillow, shut my eyes and try to sleep.
*
I woke up sometime later to the sound of a rhythmically creaking mattress coming from next door. Evidently one of the quarter-hour people had checked in. I rolled over in the bed to see if Jamie was awake. He was lying on his back, staring at the ceiling. At my movement he looked over and smiled.
“Major action next door,” he remarked.
“No doubt.” It was just too bad there’d be no major action on this side of the wall. But, I realized, that ship had sailed.
“Are you hungry?” he asked, rolling on his side to face me. He propped his head up with his elbow, peering at me with his beautiful emerald eyes.
“Famished.”
“Think they have room service?” he asked with a laugh.
“Oh, yes. I’m sure. Probably caviar and champagne delivered to your door.”
“Hmm.” He scratched his chin. “I don’t like caviar. And I’m way too hung over to enjoy the champagne. I guess we should go out for lunch instead.”
I nodded. At least he seemed to be in a better mood. “We can get lunch and then head over to the town hall to look up those property records.”
He sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes. “Good idea. Forgot about that.” He stretched his arms over his head in a yawn/stretch and then turned to face me. “Maddy … before we go, we need to talk.”
I raised my eyebrows. We need to talk? Wasn’t that my line? Didn’t I, born a female, have exclusive rights to those dreaded four words? “Okay,” I agreed, bracing myself for the worst. I pulled my feet in a cross-legged position on the bed. Here went nothing.
“About last night. There was a lot said.” Jamie picked at an invisible spot on his jeans, not meeting my eyes.
“Uh, yeah. I remember.” Boy, did I remember.
“I … I guess what I’m trying to say is, well, I’m not sure where we go from here.”
A coldness washed over me and I felt like I was going to throw up. I’d been expecting the speech all morning, tried to mentally prepare myself for it, but the reality of it actually happening still made me sick. I’d been such a fool to allow myself to think that things with Jennifer might fall through and that someday he might be free to love me. To love me as I loved him. I had no one to blame but myself. I’d put myself in a situation where I could not come out the winner. I wasn’t the noble tragic victim. I was just pathetic and stupid and selfish and deserved everything I was about to get.
“And I didn’t want to give you the wrong impression, make you think …”
Still, I reminded myself, it wasn’t as if he were some innocent party. If anything, he’d started the flirtation. He’d told me last night he was crazy about me. And now he was trying to take it all back? What a bastard.
“I understand,” I said, even though I didn’t. “You want to be with Jennifer.”
“I am with Jennifer,” he corrected, only making it worse. “I’m marrying her in less than three months. I know I said there were some things between us that weren’t perfect, but really, that’s true with any couple, right? I made a commitment. I can’t just ditch her at the altar. I’m not that kind of guy.” He shrugged. “And I do love her. I really do.”
The words were daggers. “And