I knew desire wasn’t always enough, but it was a good start.
I had taken the week off from work to deal with Lulu’s affairs and be with my family, so I hadn’t seen Jamie since the night of the overdose. The night he’d told me Jen was pregnant. He’d phoned me though, every day, leaving messages, begging me to return his calls. But I couldn’t bring myself to pick up the phone. Every time I thought of him, I could only envision Jen, growing huge with his child inside her belly. It was too much to deal with. As much as I loved him, I couldn’t get past her pregnancy. I wanted desperately to move on with my life.
My cell phone rang. Jodi.
“I’m watching the news,” she screamed through the receiver. “And I can’t believe what I just saw. How did you get them to go along with it?”
“I didn’t,” I admitted, walking down the stairwell to the front desk. I needed to make a quick exit. “There was a tape label malfunction.”
“But Maddy, Richard will fire you….”
“Oh, I’m sure the paperwork’s already been started,” I agreed, pushing open the door and heading outside. “If Richard isn’t in the hospital facing cardiac arrest.”
“They’ll blacklist you from TV. No one will hire you.”
“Then I’ll find a job in another field.” I reached my car and rummaged for my key while balancing the cell phone against my ear.
“But—”
“Listen, Jodi,” I said soothingly. She was taking this harder than I was. “It’s fine. I don’t mind. It was something I had to do. And I feel I made the right choice. The story got told, that’s the important thing. What matters is people are now aware of the drug tunnel’s existence. It’ll be shut down. The borders will become stronger and it’ll be harder for drugs to be smuggled into the US. That’s the bottom line. That’s all that matters.”
“Wow,” Jodi said softly. “That’s so brave and noble of you. And here I had accused you of selling out by accepting the executive producer position. I’m sorry, Maddy. I was wrong.”
“You weren’t.” I shook my head. “At the time I would have ditched the story for the chance to get ahead. But then after what happened with my sister … Well, I started to see things in a new light.”
“I think that’s great, what you did. You are truly a credit to the profession of journalism.”
“Yeah, yeah,” I said, blushing. I got into my car and turned the key in the ignition.
“So what will you do now?” she asked, concerned. “You know, Jodi?” I said with a small grin. “For the first time in my life, I have absolutely no idea.” And also for the first time, I was okay with that.
Chapter Twenty
FROM: “Richard Clarkson”
TO: “Madeline Madison”
Re: (NO SUBJECT)
Madeline,
PLEASE COME TO MY OFFICE … IMMEDIATELY!
Richard
News Director, News 9
So I was fired. No big surprise there. The next morning, as I packed my things into one of those big cardboard boxes companies always had on hand for such occasions, I felt oddly sad. Even though News 9 had time and again thumbed their nose at journalism and didn’t give a rat’s ass about all my years of service, it still felt like my home in a way. My family. I’d miss all the people—the photographers, producers, reporters, and editors, who worked so hard and put out such an amazing product for so little reward. They were the ones who gave me hope for the future. Perhaps when the old regime retired, when the underlings were given the keys to the kingdom, they could step in and make a difference.
Or not. Most likely not. But it was nice to pretend. As I packed, I harbored this insane secret hope that Jamie would waltz back into Cubicle Land, pick me up into his strong arms and carry me away to some fantasy place. Instead, an intern informed me that he had called in sick. Probably went up to LA to visit Jen. Even though it hurt to think it, for the baby’s sake, I hoped he’d get back with her. Kids needed their fathers. Look what happened to Lulu when ours went AWOL for even a month.
I closed the box—five years of memories packed into a cardboard square—and allowed the guard to escort me from the building. (I was evidently too dangerous to be left alone for even a moment, heh, heh, heh!)
I placed the box in the passenger seat and turned the