the explosion.”
“You’re probably over-exaggerating, Zoe.”
“I’m not.” She shook her head. “I can’t even say I was trashed when I tried to kiss him. It was after the fact that I snagged a six-pack from the party, went to one of the spare rooms, and got drunk alone as I watched The Breakfast Club.” She exhaled, but kept her attention on the ceiling. “But what was the nail in the coffin was when he started saying that we were friends. I cut him off after that because no way in hell did I want to have that conversation.” She shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut even tighter. “I made a horrendous ass out of myself. I should have told him a long time ago how I felt, but I guess I knew how that situation would go. I so didn’t want to have the ‘you’re my friend, your brother is my friend, and I can’t do this with you, Zoe’ conversation.” She looked at Tanner then and actually grimaced. “I was hoping getting wasted in my room would make me forget, but it’s a damn curse because I remember it with a whole lot of damn clarity.” She groaned and covered her eyes.
“I wish you would have called me. I would have come to you right away.”
Zoe shook her head before Tanner even finished speaking. “No, I just wanted to be alone. Those that say ‘putting yourself out there is a good idea’ is full of shit.” She laughed, but it was this awkward sound. “I am humiliated, Tanner. I don’t think I can face him again. I am mortified, and want to crawl under a rock.”
“I’m sure to him it wasn’t as bad as it was for you. And maybe if you stuck around he would have said he cared for you?”
Zoe shrugged. “That’s a nice thought, but I am done thinking about it, or at least I’m going to try to put it in the back of my mind.” She looked at Tanner. “But obviously that is wishful thinking.” She stopped rubbing her head and opened her eyes. “He sleeps with countless women, Tanner, and that should turn me off big time, but I knew him before he was this mega-star. I love him, and he will never see me as anything more than a childhood friend and Lane’s little sister.”
Although the guys were their age, Zoe’s family was close friends with Beats and his family. Because of that they had spent a lot of vacations together, and Zoe’s older brother, Lane, had become good friends with Beats. “I wish I could say something to make you feel better.”
The look Zoe gave her was a mix between boredom and exasperation. “There isn’t anything else to say except the end result is still the same.” She closed her eyes once more, and she didn’t speak for several seconds. “I have no chance with him, never did in fact, and last night I made an ass out of myself and crossed a line that I should have stayed behind.”
“You didn’t cross a line, Zoe. You were acting on your feelings, and I wish I would have said something to Jacks years ago.” The memories of how many times she had wanted to tell Jacks that she loved him played through her head like a broken record. “You don’t think any of us have done something that we regret?” The image of five years ago when she gave her virginity to Jacks slammed through her head. Although she didn’t regret doing it, she had felt like she crossed a line and had potentially ruined a friendship—just like how Zoe probably felt right now.
“I guess.” Zoe still kept her eyes closed, and Tanner hated that her friend felt this way.
“Last night wasn’t the first time I slept with Jacks.” Tanner hadn’t meant to say anything, and in fact had never told anyone about giving her virginity to Jackson. But her statement had Zoe slowly pushing herself up so she was no longer leaning against the couch. She wanted her friend to know that she had also regretted crossing a line.
“What?”
Tanner licked her suddenly dry lips. “Yeah. Right before I left for school. We had both been drinking, and one thing led to another.”
Zoe looked very interested in the conversation, hangover completely forgotten it seemed.
Tanner shrugged, and although she wanted to turn away from Zoe’s penetrating stare, she kept her gaze on her friend. “We might have been drunk, but we weren’t