I too stubborn to admit that I don’t know what I’m doing?
Do I know what I’m doing?
“What the fuck are we doing?” I ask the empty room as I fold towels. We’re getting to know each other. We’re having great sex.
Amazing sex.
The best sex in the history of sex.
But more than that, I like him. Like, really like him. So does this mean that it’s going to hurt more when he breaks my heart?
Correction: when he destroys my heart.
Because he will. At this point, if it were to end, I’d be hurt. I’d be sad. It would be another shot to my already Swiss-cheesy heart.
Then again, maybe he really is different from the others. I mean, the only similarity so far is the fact that the man has music running through his veins. He’s not like the other wannabe musicians I’ve dated. He’s funny and kind, and although he can be a little cocky, he’s not an asshole.
Or is all of that a ruse?
I hang my head, face buried in a clean towel, and moan.
“I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.”
Let’s be honest, I’ve never known what I’m doing when it comes to men. Because I’ve always been drawn to the man who was the exact opposite of what was good for me. Do I feel the need to fix them? To change them? To rescue them?
Damned if I know.
But Jake doesn’t need to be saved or fixed. He’s got his shit together. And I’m still attracted to him.
More attracted than I’ve ever been in my life.
Maybe I should talk to him. Ask him what he wants.
Except, I’ll be mortified when he just stares at me blankly, wondering what the fuck I’m talking about because, after all, this is just sex.
But, it doesn’t feel like just sex. It feels like more.
And I don’t even know why I’m getting all worked up about it because it’s still super-early, and we have lots to learn about each other, and damn Kat for making me think about this shit!
We need to find her a man so she stops worrying about me and mine.
I finish folding the towels and eye the dishes in the sink. There aren’t many, so I quickly rinse them and stack them in the dishwasher, then check the time.
I have an hour until I need to get ready for work.
My phone rings, startling me.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Aloha, darling,” she replies with a smile in her voice. “How is my sweet girl?”
“I’m good.” It’s so good to hear her voice. I’ve missed her and Dad both so much. “What are you up to? Is Dad okay?”
“He’s just fine,” she assures me. “He’s napping on the balcony, as usual.”
I smile. Every afternoon, my dad sits on the balcony that looks out over the Pacific and falls asleep. He says he’s brainstorming lectures for class.
Sure he is.
“And what are you up to?”
“I was just thinking about you. How is the restaurant going?” I hear her munching on something crunchy on the other end of the line.
“It’s so great, Mom.” I tell her all about hiring Jake, and how our business has boomed in the past two months. “In fact, we’re thinking of buying the space next to ours—it’s for sale—and expanding. You should come visit! I’d love to show it to you.”
“That all sounds fantastic, Addie! I’m so proud of you. You know your dad and I would come visit in a heartbeat, but we were just at your aunt Judy’s place in Sacramento, so another trip to the mainland is a few months off yet.”
“You were at Aunt Judy’s?” I ask with a frown. “When?”
“Oh, just a couple of weeks ago. It was a quick trip.”
“It’s a thirty-minute flight from me, and you didn’t think to let me know you were there? I would have come to see you, or you could have come up here.”
“Really, Addie, it was a quick trip. You’re being a bit dramatic.”
Dramatic? Tears prick my eyes as I sit on the edge of the couch. They were hours from me. I haven’t seen them since the grand opening of Seduction more than six months ago, and I miss them.
But I’m being dramatic.
I just want my mama.
“Addie? Are you there, darling?”
“I’m here.”
“I see your father stirring. I’d better start making lunch. It was so good to hear your voice. Keep me posted on the expansion, okay?”
“Oh, can I say hi to Daddy real quick?”
“You know how he is after his nap, darling. I’ll tell him you send your love.”
He