dinner last night.
“You know me, I love all of those true crime stories on Dateline and Oxygen. I mean, that's pretty much all I watch when I'm not watching Law and Order: SVU.”
I chuckle to myself. My mom has been watching Law and Order: Special Victims Unit for years. I have no idea how long it has been on but I think it's nearing its twentieth birthday and she has been a devout fan since I was a kid.
“I know that you're writing a lot for the show and you're doing a lot of good creative work, but what about your fiction? Are you thinking of getting back to that again?”
“Actually, yes. It's funny that you would bring it up but I have been toying with a novel that is sort of inspired by my work here. Perhaps, a psychological thriller with a dash of romance.”
"Oh, that would be marvelous!" She laughs.
Mom takes a sip of her soda and then suddenly starts to cough uncontrollably. It sounds as if she's choking, so I quickly rush around the table and smack her back to try to clear her throat.
But after a few moments, I realize that she's not choking, she's actually coughing up blood.
After a few more violent outbursts, my mom slides off the chair and falls down to the floor.
“Mom! Mom!” I yell for her to come back to me. "Somebody help me! Please call an ambulance!”
22
Henry
Everything moves in slow motion in the waiting room except for the beating of my heart. The walls are painted a soothing pink color that is neither soothing nor particularly pink.
The chairs are plush and worn out, but not to the point of any physical deterioration like holes. But when you sit on them, you notice that they've been sat on a million times before.
I pick at the little indentation in the armrest that someone has left with a pen. Someone else had made it bigger and deeper with a different color ink. I rub my finger into it again and again but it doesn’t make the anxiety go away.
The doctor comes out through the double doors with a blank expression on her face. She has done this many times before.
There is no one else in the waiting room, but she still takes me through the double doors where we can have some privacy.
This isn't good. I've interviewed enough people with their interactions with the police and medical personnel to know that when they do this, whatever news you hear is somewhere on the spectrum from bad to terrible.
“Your mother has cancer,” the doctor says and my head starts to spin. She keeps talking but I don't hear the specific words that are coming out of her mouth. She's right in front of me and yet she seems to be miles away, almost on the TV screen.
“Excuse me, can you please tell me this again?” I ask her.
Apparently, this happens all the time. She's completely unfazed and repeats what she has just said again.
All I hear are tidbits of sentences.
Cancer.
Treatable.
Serious.
Radiation.
"Do you understand what I'm saying?” Dr. Purcella asks.
I nod even though it's a lie.
“Her condition is treatable and we are hopeful, but we have to act aggressively if we want to stop it from growing.”
“How long have you known about this?” I ask.
“Unfortunately, for a few weeks. We should be a lot further along than we already are, but the treatment is expensive and she did not want to leave her estate with debt.”
"Her estate? What estate?”
“That's just how you refer to anyone's home ownership or anything else that they own when you talk about their passing,” Dr. Purcella says.
I shake my head.
No, no, no. I know that, of course, I know that.
“What does that have to do with anything? Is she dying?”
“No, actually she's not. But only if we take aggressive action right now.”
“And she doesn't want to do that?” I ask.
“No, she is being quite hesitant. The treatment is expensive and somewhat experimental, and her insurance doesn’t cover it.”
“Fucking money,” I mutter to myself. “Why does everything in this world have to come down to that?”
“We have some money," I say. “I mean, I do. Plus she has the house.”
“Listen, I can't talk to you about the financial situation, I am her doctor.”
“You have to tell me the truth. What would you do if you were in my situation?”
“I would get her that treatment as soon as possible, no matter what.”
“And she doesn't wanna do it because it costs too much?” I