been craning my neck backwards to perv at Noah, I would have been looking at the ground in front of me and would not now be lying face down in the sand.
“Crap!” I said, regretting it instantly as little bits of sand went into my mouth and crunched between my teeth.
“You okay?” I looked up to find Noah standing over me.
“Yes. Cool. Just, you know, slipped.” I turned around to face him. He held his hand out for mine and, as if I was nothing but a wisp of air, he pulled me to my feet.
“Sure you’re okay?” he asked again and then did something that rendered it impossible to answer him. He brushed some sand from my cheek.
“Aahhm mmmm . . . nnnn.” Ridiculous sounds came out of my mouth. They were an attempt to answer his question, but it no longer felt like my lips worked enough to form words, not since his fingertips had brushed them.
He smiled. It was that one where that tiny gap showed and made him look so warm and approachable. The smile caused me to smile, although I don’t think mine was as cool as his; I think mine was more of a starstruck, awe-inspired smile, which I felt a little embarrassed about. Me, an almost-thirty-year-old woman, acting like a teenage girl with a crush . . .
Mind you, this was something I’d missed growing up. So, I guess my maturity level for such things was probably on par with a teenage girl crushing over the hot guy with the big muscles and no shirt.
And then I think my whole body forgot how to work as he pushed a strand of hair behind my ear, which was totally unnecessary, as my hair was so short it didn’t even stay behind my ear.
“So, shall we go?” He took a step back and held his hand out once more. I looked down at it. I’d held it a few times already, a few seconds ago, but why did it feel different this time? Like there was an underlying question implied in the holding out of his hand that made it different. And when I slipped my fingers through his, it did feel different. The way he looked down at my hand before slowly closing his fingers around it, and then giving them a squeeze that felt different to the squeezes of before. It wasn’t a reassuring squeeze like it had been with the stitches, or the ambulance. This squeeze was different. But what makes a squeeze feel so different? I didn’t quite know, but I knew it had nothing to do with the physical squeeze itself, and everything to do with the intention behind it. I shivered. Yes, it was slightly chilly. A slight autumn chill in the air and the breeze coming off the sea added to this. But that’s not why I shivered.
“Come,” he said, his voice a whisper now.
I nodded. I couldn’t speak. It was as if his words had stolen my tongue right out of my mouth.
And then we ran together, holding hands, right for the sea.
CHAPTER 56
The fire blazed, warming us up from the cold sea. And who knew that running around splashing and jumping through the waves at night on the beach could be so much fun? Who knew that having water splashed into my face by the giggling twins would have caused me to laugh as much as I did? Who knew that Noah grabbing me by the waist and trying to fully drag me under a wave with him would have produced the kind of laughter that I don’t think I’d ever heard coming out of my mouth before? It was this laughter that felt utterly free and unrestrained. As if there was nothing in this world that was worrying me. And how could I be worried, with this night, this sea, the stars above me, and the wind blowing, causing goosebumps on my skin, and all the laugher. So much laughter. Coming from so many different people who I didn’t even know but for some strange reason felt a camaraderie with. Was this what it was like?
Having friends? Having fun? Throwing all your worries and cares out the window, I was beginning to think it was. And this made me feel two things. Whilst I was happy, exhilarated even, it was also making me sad. A deep sadness in the knowing of all the things I had lost growing up and missed out on in my